Browsing the blog archives for May, 2010
In my continuing effort to better the lives of my readers I now offer a few tips on how to preserve and strengthen your marriage. The key to any successful marriage is of course communication. At some point your wife will approach you and say “I want to talk about my feelings.” The important thing […]
Community Board 1 in lower Manhattan approved today the building of a mega mosque a block from Ground Zero. In the 29-1 vote the Board said that the planned mega mosque will provide recreational facilities for the impoverished citizens of lower Manhattan and will also, “in the tradition of Islam” promote tolerance. The plan will […]
The European Union has accused American cheese of “unilateralism” and deemed it a threat to peace. Jerzy Buzek, President of the Parliament of the European Union made the announcement today. “These individually wrapped slices of American Cheese are destroying Europe.” He then went on to describe in full why the European Union will boycott American […]
In a speech today President Obama called the existence of “known capitalists” on Wall Street the greatest danger the American Republic has faced in years. Speaking in Prime Time to the American people, President Obama outlined the case against Wall Street and the “evils” he saw during his brief trip to New York. “My fellow […]
Defying all expectations local hip hop artist “Dirty Muthafucka” has avoided being shot. “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong” said Dirty Muthafucka. “My music is violent. Authentic. Filled with disturbing images. I have a posse that follows me around. They all carry guns. I encourage them to shoot people. So why am I not […]
An as of yet unidentified male sped through the toll booth on the Triborough Bridge today causing panic as the bridge was shut down to investigate the possible terror incident. “I was working my shift when just after 2 PM a sports sedan, I think it was a Saab, came speeding through the booth” said […]
Fresh off the environmental catastrophe in the Gulf of Mexico, engineers from British Petroleum are working on a new crisis: the attempt to place a containment dome over Whoopi Goldberg. After a series of controversial statements on ABC’s The View including her comment that Michael Vick should not be punished because “dog fighting is part […]
The first annual Suicide Bomber and Liberace Fan Club Convention in Las Vegas ended in tragedy today when one of the bombers died from an apparent food allergy. “We had just come from buying new Air Jordan 2010 sneakers and were eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches” said Abdul-Majeed Hussein. “All of a sudden Fareed […]
“A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings” ~ Earl Wilson Superman has General Zod. Batman has the Joker. My stomach has dairy products. Ying and Yang. For every force of good there is an equal and opposite force of evil. Today, evil in the guise of the Boston Red Sawks […]
With its housing market severely distressed, credit nonexistent and with no tax base, the city council of Bedford Falls has asked longtime resident George Bailey to “get the hell out of town.” “We used to have a good town until Bailey screwed everything up” said the Mayor. “Business was good. People could buy homes without […]