Today at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ it is my pleasure to interview the late senator from California, Dianne Feinstein.
MI: Good afternoon Senator.
DDF: Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel.
MI: Let’s get right into it. You recently died. How will this affect your re-election campaign?
DDF: Isn’t that just like you Republicans? Always pouncing. To answer your question it will have no effect on my reelection campaign. I expect to win reelection and I expect to continue serving the citizens of California.
MI: But…..you’re dead.
DDF: Loyalty to the Democratic Party knows no boundaries. Death is just a phase. Many Democrats are dead and remain loyal Democrats in good standing. Love of the Party is eternal.
MI: Okay. So as a dead Senator what will be your first priority?
DDF: Brains.
MI: Oh, you mean that our country needs to import those with skills and scientific knowledge?
DDF: No. Brains. I want brains!
[Feinstein starts to lick Manhattan Infidel’s skull]
DDF: Mmm. So tasty. I like your skull. May I eat your brain?
MI: What? No. I mean I’ve never used my brain before but I might one day. You never know when you’ll be on Jeopardy.
[Feinstein continues to lick Manhattan Infidel’s skull]
MI: Will you stop that!
DDF: Brain!
MI: No! Stop that! Down! Down! Sit!
[Dead Dianne Feinstein sits down]
MI: Now, back to the interview. You mentioned that death is not a boundary for members of The Party. Could you talk more about that?
DDF: Many Democrats are dead already.
MI: Really? Give me an example.
DDF: Chuck Schumer has been dead for centuries. He was killed scaling the walls of Jerusalem during a crusade.
[Chuck Schumer enters]
CS: Brain!
MI: Come on guys. I told you to lay off my brain
[Schumer and Dead Dianne Feinstein sniff Manhattan Infidel’s skull]
CS: He has no brain!
MI: I told you. I’m a blogger. Having a brain isn’t a priority.
CS: I haven’t been so disappointed since I sniffed Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s brain.
MI: What is it with you Democrats and brains? Are you telling me you are all undead and you eat the brains of the living?
DDF: Well it’s not an official part of The Party’s platform but yeah. We all eat the brains of the living.
MI: Why isn’t this front page news?
DDF: The press doesn’t want to out us as brain eaters since most of them are dead as well.
MI: Somehow I’ve always suspected this.
[Gavin Newsom enters]
GN: Dianne! It’s good to see you.
[Dead Dianne Feinstein and Chuck Schumer attack Newsom and attempt to sniff his brain]
CS: What’s he got in his hair? I can’t smell his brain!
DDF: Hair gel is our enemy!
[Dead Dianne Feinstein and Chuck Schumer leave in search of living brain]
CS: That was a close call. May I sniff your skull?
MI: Don’t even think of it.
And so ended my interview with Dead Dianne Feinstein. You know I never thought being without a brain could be such an advantage.
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