Obviously these people are racists!

The worldwide scientific community was thrown into chaos when a group of researchers claimed to have found two new genders which they have labeled “male” and “female.”

“We were as surprised as everyone else” said a scientist involved with the study.

We weren’t even trying to discover anything. It all started when a colleague decided to clean out one of the closets in the lab. He pulled out an instrument and asked us what it was.  None of us knew so we looked it up. Turns out it was a microscope. None of us had ever used a microscope before. It wasn’t part of our training at the DNC headquarters.  For shits and giggles we grabbed some lab samples and looked at them under the microscope.  What we found blew our minds. We had to look it up but apparently what we found are called “chromosomes.” And they seemed to be in pairs.  One was an XX pair and the other was an XY pair.  We called the XX pair “female” and the XY pair “male.”  Naturally we were nervous about this binary discovery.  But we decided to publish our findings.

The paper, entitled “Please Don’t Cancel Us!’ was published in Scientific American and immediately aroused opposition within the scientific community. Many scientists objected to the hate-filled findings.

“They are telling us that they have discovered two binary genders” said one scientist.

And they claim that these two binary genders are the root genders.  The male has a penis and the female has a vagina.  They are telling us that the male cannot have a vagina or ovulate or give birth and that the female cannot have a penis. They claim to have discovered this by looking into a microscope and studying chromosomes. Microscopes? Chromosomes?  I’ve never heard of either of them. I get my scientific knowledge from Twitter. Any so-called scientist who denies that there are 64 genders – what?  It’s 128 now? Okay any so-called scientist that denies there are 128 genders and each gender is fluid and changeable should be drummed out of the scientific community.  These people aren’t scientists. They are witch doctors.  What?  I can’t use the phrase witch doctor anymore? It’s racist? Well then they are bad people. Can I call them bad people?

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Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News

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The team of scientists whom posited a pair of binary genders have been stripped of their credentials and have had their research grants discontinued.

“How these witch doctors – what? I can’t use that phrase anymore? How these ignorant people got funding much less became scientists shows the lack of standards and accountability in the scientific community”  said one of the scientists who voted to rescind the group’s funding.

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President Biden has weighed in on the controversy and during a press conference declared the defunded ex-scientists “Un-American and a threat to Our Democracy.”

He then sniffed a reporter’s hair and asked the Secret Service to help stash his son Hunter’s blow.

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