We’re here! We’re queer! And we love Palestine!

The First Annual “Queers for Palestine” Conference ended in tragedy when some attendees were beheaded by their Palestinian hosts.

“I don’t know how this could happen” said one woman.

We, the queers of America, came here in peace and solidarity with our fellow oppressed brethren.  We stand in solidarity with brown peoples across the globe as they fight their white oppressors. Yes, I’m a white woman from a privileged upper class background who is currently attending a $75,000 per year ivy league university courtesy of daddy’s money, which he no doubt got through capitalist oppression, but that doesn’t mean the Palestinians have the right to cut our heads off. Certainly not with the dull blades they are using. If only they had talked to me I could have told them where to buy some really sharp knives.  But I’d only like to say –

Her words were then cut off. As was her head.

Another attendee, who describes herself as an “oppressed non-binary person of non-color who self-identifies as a brown person when not living at home with my rich parents” started to berate her brown hosts over their lack of hospitality.

I have not even been offered a blond vanilla latte with some gluten-free bread. How is a woman supposed to protest the oppression of brown peoples without a blond vanilla latte with gluten-free bread? If I had know my hosts would be so rude I would never have left my million-dollar brownstone on the upper west side of Manhattan that my father bought for me. Is it too much to ask –

Tragically she was not able to complete her thought as her head was severed and used as a soccer ball.

A member of Queers for Palestine who was not able to go to the conference was asked about the beheadings.

“It is all Donald Trump’s fault” she said.

His climate of hate has warped these peaceful brown peoples. But I have not given up on my oppressed children of color. That is why I have invited a few Palestinians to my brownstone in Brooklyn where I intend to host them until it is safe for them to return to their native Palestine. I look forward to learning their peaceful brown ways and experiencing their gentle brown sense of humor.  It will truly –

Sadly she was not able to finish her sentence as she shot, gang-raped, had her head cut off and then set on fire.

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Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News

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The New York headquarters of Queers for Palestine has issued the following statement:

“It has come to our attention that many of our members have been beheaded. We deeply regret this and ask our brown Palestinian brothers to remember that we are their friends. We stand with them against the oppression of white Israelis. We also wish to remind our members that they have signed a release form indemnifying Queers for Palestine from all damages.”

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More Breaking News More Breaking News More Breaking News 

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The surviving members of Queers for Palestine have broken away and formed their own splinter organization called “Queers for Palestine Who Oppose Beheading.”

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Still More Breaking News Still More Breaking News Still More Breaking News

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The members of the radical splinter group “Queers for Palestine Who Oppose Beheading” have all been beheaded.

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