Manhattan Infidel Investigates Joe Biden’s Expanding Forehead: Is Global Warming, I Mean Climate Change, Responsible? Also, Where Are My Pants?

Biden's forehead before climate change

Biden’s forehead before climate change

Recently the political blogging community, of which I am a respected tolerated get the f*ck out of my bathroom  member has been talking about Vice President Joe Biden. Specifically his expanding forehead.

It appears that Biden’s forehead has increased in size as seen from this recent picture.

The science is settled.  Joe Biden's forehead scares children

The science is settled. Joe Biden’s forehead scares children

But why?  What could cause the Vice President’s forehead to expand so dramatically? Using available technology I have narrowed down the cause to three possibilities:

  1. Global warming, er, I mean climate change
  2. Brain steroids
  3. An unknown alien technology and/or Biden is a Decepticon.

Let’s examine the first and most likely reason:

Global Warming, er, I Mean Climate Change.

Joe Biden is 72 years old and has spent the past 40 years in public service.  He is a patriot. Like all Americans he has had to stand by helplessly as global warming, er, climate change, has threatened the very existence of Mother Earth. He has stood by as a Republican congress refused to enact the Kyoto protocols. He has had to watch helplessly as sea levels rose, threatening well-off Democrats on the coast the common man.

Having seen all this is it possible that Joe Biden, patriot, has chosen surgery to expand his forehead with the intention of relocating those whose homes are now underwater to his forehead?  Now granted those relocated would have to be shrunk down to microscopic size (that was the entire plot of Fantastic Voyage) but I’m sure Apple is working on an iShrink app as we speak.

Brain steroids

Joe Biden, rightly or wrongly does not get much respect when it comes to mental acumen. Could the jokes have gotten to him?  Is he injecting HGH and/or steroids directly into his skull to increase brain capacity? I have spoken to my sources in Washington who say this is possible. Said one:

He’s speaking in complete sentences now.  Before he would only get a few words out before he’d start drooling and ask for cookies.  But now he’s so superior. He keeps telling me that I’m ignorant and that he is angry with me.

I was able to confirm my source’s story with a camera that I planted in the White House:

Secret footage of Joe Biden at the White House

Alien Technology/Decepticons

While this is the least likely option it is one that we must keep open.  Fact: Aliens have visited this planet in the past.  Don’t believe me?  How else do you explain Carrot Top?  He’s obviously not human.

Not human

Not human

Could Joe Biden be a decepticon?  One makeup artists tells me that before applying makeup to the Vice President he looks like this:

Joe Biden as he naturally looks?

Joe Biden as he naturally looks?

Joe Biden, alien?  Very possible.

And that brings me to my final point:  Where the hell are my pants?

Being an accomplished, respected professional as long as I take my medication I often am seen in public wearing pants. This morning however I was not able to find my pants and, alas, had to go pantless for the entire day.

There can be only one explanation:  My pants, frightened by global warming, er, I mean climate change, have shrunk themselves down to microscopic size and relocated to Joe Biden’s forehead.

Well played, Mr. Vice President.  Well played.

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5 Comments

5 Responses

  1. My theory is that Biden’s anus went on strike several years ago and his pea brain has swollen to the size of a watermelon.

  2. petermc3 says:

    Buffalo, NY will not be invited to this year’s Global warming/Climate Change gala for allowing six feet of snow to fall there last night. MSNBC reported Biden’s outrage: Wad up wit dat Buffalo, it’s racist cities like yo be mess in’ up our good thang, said Uncle Joe as he lapsed into ebonics after forgetting he wasn’t on the campaign trail in Chitown or Oakland.

  3. Don King says:

    I personally believe that Biden has been growing his forehead in anticipation of being asked to be on Dancing with the Czars. My theory on this has developed for two reasons:

    1. Biden thinks that a bigger forehead will make his dance moves look more “jiggy with it.”

    2. Sometime around 2011, a pissed off White House aide told Biden he’d been fired as Vice President, and was now the Idiotic Public Statement Czar. (which would explain a lot)

  4. LSP says:

    I agree with all of the above but the forehead has to get bigger as DAARPA increases its processing power.

    I’m surprised you didn’t mention that.

  5. erm, this article is jusst freakin’ rockin’ awesome SAUCE. it made me cheeks glow and chuckle! =) lookin’ forward to more AWESOME content of my Mr. Joe Biden man! XD for real tho o.O

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