Manhattan Infidel Presents: My Exclusive Interview with Big Bird!

Let’s get it on!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This past week one of the groundbreaking characters in children’s television retired. I of course and referring to Big Bird. I had the pleasure to sit down with him to talk about his career.

MI: Good afternoon Big Bird.

BB: Pleasure to be here.

MI: Wow. Where to begin. Generations of children have grown up watching you. Families watch you. It must be quite the honor to be so important to so many generations.

BB: It is an honor. I’m very humbled.

MI: What will you miss most about being Big Bird?

BB: I’d have to say the sex.

MI: Um. What?

BB: I said I’m going to miss the sex. All of it. All of the promiscuous sex. Every day. 

MI: Um. 

BB: I tell you Trump was right. When you’re famous you can just grab ’em by the pussy and they’ll let you do it.

MI: I see.

BB: I lived the rock and roll lifestyle. So many groupies. So much anonymous sex.

MI: Can we talk about –

BB: I used to have sex on the set. Between takes I’d go to my dressing room with a MILF. Oh the passion.  MILF’s have a lot of pent up sexual energy to release. Sometimes I’d barely be able to finish a take because my knees would be so weak from the BJs I was getting in my dressing room.

MI: Okay.  This wasn’t what I was expecting you to talk about.

BB: Did I tell you about the time I was shooting up with Eric Clapton? There we were, needles dangling out of our arms and he says “Hey, you want to share George Harrison’s wife?” Yeah I said. That sounds like a great idea. So she comes over. I tell you we passed her back and forth like a bag of potato chips.

MI: I’d like to change the subject.

BB: You know I had Tiffany and Debbie Gibson at the same time. They were both underage so I couldn’t brag about it. Not in public anyway. But yeah. I had them both. Tiffany was better with her mouth but Debbie had that sweet, sweet ass.

MI: Okay I’m getting very uncomfortable here.

BB: You would think with all this sex I’d get a lot of venereal diseases. But only a few. I remember one time I had to travel to Europe to get my penis industrially steam cleaned.  I was gone from Sesame Street for a couple weeks. They told the public I was on a personal journey of enlightenment. Really it was all about de-cruding my penis.

MI: I really should go.

BB: I was into trannies before they were cool. I pride myself on that.

MI: I really really have to go. I have to take a long hot shower. With bleach.

[Manhattan Infidel runs away]

BB: Jeesh. What a prude.

I guess we really don’t know what our heroes are like when the camera is off.

(8)

Borg Hit With Title 9 Complaint After Triggering Coeds!

Notorious women haters

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Borg will have to appear in Federal Court after a Title 9 complaint was issued against them. The trouble for the Borg began when several Borg beamed down to the SUNY Oswego campus and began making a general nuisance of themselves.

“I was walking across campus to get to my queer theory class when this guy approached me” said one coed.

He said “We are Borg. You shall be assimilated. Resistance is futile. Your life as it has been is over. From this time forward you will service us.”  Hello? I felt like I was being train raped by Brett Kavanaugh.  I ain’t servicing anybody unless it’s my idea! Because being on your knees is only empowering when it’s your idea. Anyway I was so frightened by him. He triggered me. I ran back to my dorm room,  put on some Lady Gaga and cried. 

Soon other coeds began having their own encounters with the Borg (who may or may not be binary).

“I was explaining to some freshman (these freshman have to be reeducated) that gender was a bourgeois construct” said an upper classperson who self-identifies as a two-spirited third sex gender fluid femme queen.

This guy approached me with what looked like an assault weapon on his arm 

Don’t mind the assault weapon on my arm

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– how that doesn’t violate Governor Cuomo’s safe laws is beyond me – and he starts giving me this shit about how my biological distinctiveness will be joined to his. Hello? If that isn’t sexual assault then I guess I don’t know what sexual assault is. I was so overcome with triggered emotion I collapsed on the ground weeping. Later I had to go to a designated campus safe space where I was comforted with chocolate and Teddy bears.

Not wanting to risk an incident of female hysteria on campus SUNY Oswego’s president hired famous creepy porn lawyer Michael Avenatti.

“Title 9 expressly prohibits behavior such as the Borg’s” said Avenatti.

I’m suing everybody

Let me read you the pertinent section:  “No person in the United States shall, on the basis of sex, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to discrimination under any education program or activity receiving Federal financial assistance.”  Clearly the Borg, by threatening assimilation violate Title 9. That is why I am suing the Borg Collective on behalf of all two-spirited, gender queer, non-op, non-binary transgender, androgyne, FTM, gender gifted coeds.  Have I left anyone out? Oh yes. I forgot about those who self-identify as third sex.

Avenatti then went on to blame Donald Trump for the rise of objectionable Borg behavior.

First he goes after my other client, the brave feminist hero Stormy Daniels, who is a role model for all women. Then he sends in his shock troops, those who self-identify as Borg. When I am elected president I shall be known as the anti-those who self-identify as Borg president.

As for the Borg they deny that they have violated any Title 9 provisions.

“Earth people must have a stick up their ass or something. We should have assimilated Mars instead” said the Borg queen.

(7)

Manhattan Infidel Presents: My Exclusive Interview with Elizabeth Warren

White man speak with forked tongue

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ (the most trusted name in made up shit) I have the pleasure of interviewing none other than Massachusetts senator and potential 2020 presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren.

MI: Good afternoon Senator Warren.

[Warren begins to dance in a circle]

MI: Um. Senator Warren?

EW: Silence. The forked tongue speak of the white man is not allowed during this sacred ritual.

MI: Sacred ritual?

EW: Yes. I am performing a ghost dance. It’s a sacred ritual of my people.

MI: Your people?

EW: Native Americans you ignorant foreigner!  Jesus look at my cheekbones. See how high they are? My people have high cheekbones.

MI:  I see. 

[Warren continues her ghost dance]

MI: So tell me about this dance? What did you call it?

EW: It’s a ghost dance.  The proper practice of the Ghost Dance will reunite the living with spirits of the dead, bring the spirits to fight on their behalf, make the white colonists leave, and bring peace, prosperity, and unity to Native American peoples.

MI: Make the white colonists leave?

EW: Yes. the whites will leave our sacred land and my peoples can return to their ancient ways and hunt buffalo.

MI: Well if the white colonists leave doesn’t that mean you’ll have to leave as well?

[Warren continues Ghost Dancing]

EW:  I do not listen to the words of the white man. White man speak with forked tongue.

MI: Stop with the forked tongue shit. You’re white. Admit it. Nothing wrong with being white.

EW: I am Cherokee.

MI: Bullshit. Your DNA test showed you were 1/1024th native American. You’re so white Joanna Gaines uses you as backsplash in her designs.

EW: White man speak with forked –

MI: Not buying it.

EW: You are banned from all my casinos.

MI: Casinos?

EW: Yes. Another ancient and sacred tradition of my people.

MI: You don’t know anything about native Americans do you?

EW: Shine, shine, shine ’em up fine/Shine ’em up fine for a dime!/Shine, shine, shine ’em up fine/Shine ’em up fine for a dime!/My baby needs a new pair of shoes!/Come on, you seven! Roll you ‘leven!

MI: Not buying it.

EW: Do you have a canoe I can borrow? I can paddle down a polluted stream and cry. 

MI: You know that was an actor. He was Italian-American whose real name was Espera Oscar de Corti.

EW: Italian-American?

MI: ‘Fraid so.

EW: Goddamn it. I thought I was the first one to do this native American scam shit.

MI: Sorry. It’s been done before.

EW: Well what the hell am I going to do now?

MI: Rip off another race?

EW: That’s it!  From now on I am Hispanic. Elizabeth Warrenitez, proud 100 percent Puerto Rican. Or Dominican. Depends on who has more living in Massachusetts.

MI: Right. I’m out of here.

EW: Or Canadian. I shall be known as Elizabeth Bubble. You know like the singer.

MI:Goodbye.

EW: Wait. Australian!  If Mel Gibson can pretend to be Australian I can pull it off too!

And so ended my interview with the proud and fierce native American warrior.

(10)

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Superman Fined in NYC!

Such toxic masculinity!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rush hour commuters in New York City were thrown for a loop when the car they were riding in was hurtled into orbit by the alt-right vigilante known as Superman.

“I was just trying to get to the Yankee game” said one commuter.

And the next thing I knew the car was in orbit and we were looking at the International Space Station. I was a little confused.  Of course that might have been from the bone chilling cold and lack of oxygen from outer space when Superman comes up to the car and says “Sorry guys. My bad!” and brings us back down to New York. I know our subway system sucks but being thrown into space made me miss the game. I have a mind to sue Superman. What a jerk.

Another commuter, a disabled black Muslim transsexual saw it as a sign of the racism that is once again emerging under President Donald Trump.

“This Superman fellow. What is he?”  Z/she said.

I’ll tell you what he is. He’s a binary white male. A binary white male with muscles, bitches! This white boy just goes and throws us into space without even apologizing for his slavery, genocide and colonialism. I haven’t seen such toxic masculinity since I watched those Twilight movies. I want an apology. I want an apology from Superman. I want an apology from the City.  I deserve it. I’m a victim!

A tourist group from Aberdeen, Maryland met a tragic fate.

“They must have thought it was a publicity stunt” said an eyewitness.

They decided to open the subway door and shake Superman’s hand. I told them that I didn’t think that was a good idea but they wouldn’t listen to me. You know how stubborn people from Maryland can be. Anyway they were all sucked out into space. And then they exploded. The car windows were covered in Maryland people pulp. It looked like crab meat, which is kind of appropriate if you think about it.

Superman was given a desk ticket and released by NYPD officers.

“This is New York, where anything happens” said a policeman.

My partner says “Hey, there’s Superman and he’s carrying a subway car.” I was like “Freaking tourist calling attention to himself.”  And my partner said “Have you met your quota this month” and I said no. So I gave him a ticket. Now I’ve met my quota. This will put me in good with the sarge.

As for Superman, he maintains it was all just a misunderstanding.

I was trying to enter the car and the doors shut on me. I may be the man of steel but those doors still hurt. So I guess I lost my temper and flung it into space. But hey I brought it back no harm no foul. Well, except for the Marylanders. But I don’t like them anyway.

Mayor Warren Wilhelm Jr. (stage name Bill DeBlasio) has promised a crackdown on incidents like this in the future.

“There is no room for Superman and his toxic conservative values in New York City. I think. I’m rarely in the city myself. Too much crime and real estate is so damn expensive.”

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Old MacDonald Becomes Radicalized!

Hey Federal Government: Get off my lawn!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Local farmer “Old MacDonald” has announced that he will “do everything in his power to fight the state” which he has declared his “sworn enemy.

“I’m a small farmer who is just trying to make a living” said the erstwhile quiet, non-radical citizen.

I’m barely able to make ends meet. I have a small farm. Not very large.  I have a cow who goes moo moo here and moo moo there. I have one pig who goes oink oink here and oink oink there. Here an oink, there an oink, everywhere an oink. I have one duck who goes quack quack here and quack quack there. And I have one  horse who’s always going neigh neigh here and neigh neigh there. And crapping all over the place but that’s a story for another day. Anyway as you can see my farm is one of the smallest in the valley. I just want to sell my products, make a profit and be left alone. But I tell you the Federal Government has become too large, too  powerful and too intrusive. Now I have bureaucrats from Washington who have never seen a farm telling me how to run my business. Enough is enough! 

Sources say the formerly quiescent MacDonald became radicalized after several armed agents from the Interior Department visited his farm and levied a fine of 10,000 dollars a day for using rain water that collected in a pond on his property.

They said I destroyed a natural waterway. It’s a f*cking pond! Sometimes it’s filled with water. Sometimes it’s not. So this asshole in a suit comes onto my property. Without a warrant. He checks the pond, sees it’s dry and fines me! How the hell am I going to pay 10,000 dollars a day? I would have shot him but since New York State passed those stupid SAFE laws my gun was locked up.

MacDonald, already reeling from the Interior Department fine was then visited by armed agents from the Food and Drug Administration.

They asked me if my animals were free range. Free range? What the hell does that mean?  I told them my animals have the run of my small farm and at night I put them in the barn. That’s when they fined me for animal cruelty. Great. Another f*cking fine. It’s like these government people are purposely being anti-business.

Still not wanting to cause trouble MacDonald was then visited by the ATF who surrounded his farm to serve a warrant.

They said I had illegally retrofitted a rifle I owned to make it an assault rifle. What the hell. I sometimes go to gun shows and sell weapons. It’s an extra buck. It’s not illegal if you do the paperwork. They could have issued the subpoena to me any time I was off my farm. But no. They surround me, block me from leaving and tell me that they are going to “starve me out.”  I thought I lived in America! When did this become the Soviet Union?

With the siege of MacDonald’s farm entering its fourth week and neither side willing to back down, MacDonald is resigned to his death.

“I’m taking out as many of those ATF bastards as I can. If I have to I’ll shoot all my animals and use them as barricades.”

(8)

New Forensic Evidence Proves Brett Kavanaugh Sank the Titanic!

Tread lightly. I can kill you all with my hands

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Divers to the wreck of the Titanic have discovered shocking new evidence that changes prevalent theories as to what actually sank the doomed ship.

“What we found down there frightened and disgusted us.” said a dive member.

Before we all thought it was an iceberg. Granted they did hit an iceberg but we now believe that the ship would have continued sailing if it weren’t for Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh. That’s right. The time-travelling evil rapist used the power of his mind to punch holes in the side of the ship. We have the evidence. Needless to say this changes everything. I no longer trust my senses. I no longer trust time. I no longer even believe in God. For would a just and benevolent God have allowed Brett Kavanaugh to commit this travesty?

The dive team leader explains the moment that changed all their lives forever.

We were exploring the ship not expecting to find anything new when we came upon a keg of beer in one of the luxury quarters. That in and of itself isn’t unusual but when we looked closer we found a note taped to it. We brought it back to our ship and dried it out and examined it. The note said “To any future divers to this wreck:  I, Brett Kavanaugh, brutal rapist and Supreme Court Justice traveled back in time from the year 2018 and sunk the Titanic. I did this because I’ve grown bored with raping women and need a bigger challenge. What better way to challenge myself than killing 1,500 people at the same time? Oh, and if anyone asks Dianne Feinstein is a communist spy. Your truly Brett ‘I like beer’ Kavanaugh.” We thought it might have been a prank but Kavanaugh included a videotape with the letter. It shows lightning beams coming out of his eyes as he punches holes in the side of the ship. He then laughed as the ship started to sink and people drowned. At one point it shows him playing electric guitar with the Titanic band.

Needless to say Kavanaugh’s note and video have led to disastrous consequences for the ill-fated dive team.

Once the government found out about our findings they quarantined us in the ship and won’t let us talk to anyone. “Nothing personal” one of the government agents said.  “But we can’t let this knowledge leave this ship.”  I just want to hold my wife one more time and tell her I love her. I just want to hold my newborn daughter’s hand one more time. I think they are going to kill us! Is these no evil that the dirty rat bastard Brett Kavanaugh won’t do in his mad lust for violence and destruction?

***************************************************************************************************

Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News

***************************************************************************************************

An accident aboard a research vessel has resulted in the deaths of the entire dive team.

“It was a tragic depressurization accident” said a government source.

“Unfortunately the diving bell was crushed beyond recognition and we won’t be able to recover the bodies.”

(12)

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New Forensic Evidence Proves That Brett Kavanaugh was Driving the Oldsmobile at Chappaquiddick!

Tread lightly. I can kill you all with my hands

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shocking new evidence has recently been unearthed that explains why the feminist senator Ted Kennedy waited 10 hours to report the accident at Chappaquiddick: He wasn’t in the car!

“I have held my peace for almost 50 years” said a member of Chappaquiddick Island’s first responder team that found the submerged vehicle.

Ted Kennedy is innocent. I know. I dived into the murky pond and what I saw when I was in the car chilled me to the bones!  Mary Jo Kopechne was still alive. She was holding her breath but was desperately in need of oxygen. Beside her in the backseat of the overturned car was Brett Kavanaugh! He had on a wet suit and he had another oxygen tank in his hand. Poor Mary Jo was motioning to it but he sadistically kept it out of her reach. She was drowning and he let it happen.  You know the Johnny Cash song “I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die?” It was something like that. Brett Kavanaugh purposely drove the car off the bridge because he wanted to watch a young women die!

When asked how he knew it was Kavanaugh he responded “Because there was a keg of beer in the back seat next to him.”

I probably should have tried harder to save Mary Jo’s life. But every time I tried to grab her and get her out of the car Kavanaugh put his hands over my mouth and stifled my underwater screams. I felt frightened and retreated to the bridge. A short while later (I guess Mary Jo had passed away at this point) Kavanaugh came out of the car and approached me. “You didn’t see nothing, capish?” I said “Mr. Kavanaugh I am duty bound to report what I saw.”  That’s when he told me that he and his fraternity buddies would train rape me. So I shut up.

Frightened for his life, the first responder returned home, where he was visited that night by Kavanaugh.

One of his fraternity pals held a knife to my throat and Kavanaugh told me that this was going to be the cover story:  He never saw me and that it was Ted Kennedy’s car and he drove it off the bridge! I told him that no one would believe that. “Ted Kennedy is a liberal. And a feminist. He respects women. He would never leave one to die in a submerged vehicle.”  Kavanaugh just laughed and said “Do as you’re told and your family won’t be hurt.” I wanted to protect them so I agreed. But I’ve always felt shame for not coming forward. I’ve wanted to tell the truth for 50 years!  And the events of the past couple weeks have finally encouraged me to do so.  Brett Kavanaugh is a monster who killed Mary Jo Kopechne!  He started the Republican war on women! Ted Kennedy is innocent and it’s a shame how much he had to suffer because of this false accusation during his lifetime!

When contacted about these claims Kavanaugh denied everything, showing off the volatile temperament his is famous for.

“I was four goddamn years old at the time!”

Senator Dianne Feinstein has asked that a special prosecutor be assigned to look into the allegations.

“I find the first responder’s story credible. And I did not pay him to make it up. Technically it was my husband. I mean the Chinese spy working for me.”

(61)

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New Forensic Evidence Shows That Brett Kavanaugh Was Behind the Rape of Nanking!

Tread lightly. I can kill you all with my hands

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

New evidence confirms what many have always suspected:  The Nanking Massacre during the second Sino-Japanese War that killed an estimated 300,000 was started by new Supreme Court judge Brett Kavanaugh. The evidence has until recently been sitting in top secret Japanese archives.

“I went to college in Japan and I heard rumors about the truth of the massacre” said a Democratic lawyer for the Senate Judiciary Committee.

I didn’t have access to the records but I heard that a “white man who likes beer” ordered and took part in many of the rapes. Naturally I was curious.  I thought at first it might be Charlie Sheen or anybody from Hollywood frankly. I made a mental note to come back later in life when I have power and connections and investigate. Because as a Democratic lawyer I have dedicated my life to the facts. And sleeping with women by telling them I am pro-abortion.

Having risen through the ranks of the Democratic party the lawyer kept his promise and went back to Japan last year to investigate.

What I found profoundly shocked me. I mean it shocked me even more than the time I found out that plane fuel does indeed melt steel.  And I apologize to the families of the workers in the building I flew that plane into. But I digress. Anyway I found out that not only was Charlie Sheen not responsible for all the rapes but that no one from Hollywood was. This is probably the first time anyone from Hollywood has been cleared of rape. I went into their secret records room and the evidence was hidden in a box labelled “Naked Photos of Yoko Ono.”  I have to commend the Japanese on their duplicity. I mean no one was going to open that box! But my spidey sense was tingling and I just had to open it.  Inside I found photos and documents that prove that Brett Kavanaugh had traveled back in time and was responsible for the whole thing. There are photos of him in the act of raping Chinese women. All I saw in the photos was his back but I know it was him. There was a beer keg right next to him. And I found eyewitness recollections. One document from a witness confirms this. It was by a Japanese commander. It said “We didn’t want to rape anybody. But this white guy showed up. He was very drunk. He said he wanted to rape some women before he ‘ralphed.’ Whatever that means. Another document from a victim said that “A very drunk white man put his hand over my mouth. When I screamed he raped my entire village. And then he drank a keg of beer.”  These documents prove that confirming Kavanaugh was a mistake. We need to impeach him!

As for Kavanaugh he has denied these allegations. But what would you expect history’s greatest monster to do?

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Brainiac Accused of Sexual Harassment!

Green-skinned sexual harasser

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The green-skinned humanoid Brainiac, often considered Superman’s 2nd greatest enemy, has been linked with “credible allegations” of sexual harassment.

“My client denies all these allegations” said Brainiac’s lawyer.

He has never sexually harassed anyone. Why would he need to harass women?  The women come to him! What women wouldn’t want my client? He has a 12-level intellect. Women love his 12-level intellect. He has enhanced memory and advanced understanding of mechanical engineering, bio-engineering, physics and an extensive knowledge of various alien technologies. That’s quite the intellect! Not only would he never sexually harass a woman but his psychic abilities make it very likely that he would shrink and kill any woman who falsely accused him. Not that my client would do that. He’s a gentle soul who just wants to be left alone. And kill Superman. And buy some beachfront property. In fact I find it highly suspicious that the woman accusing him of sexual harassment was on the co-op board that denied him a beachfront co-op. This whole thing sounds like a set up.

The trouble for Brainiac began during a meeting with the co-op board to determine his suitability for the beachfront property.  The Board was evenly divided as to whether Brainiac represented the ideals of the co-op.

“We didn’t mind the fact that he had no regular job” said one member.

I mean, other than wanting to kill Superman. That appeared to be his only job. That was okay with us. Superman used to have a co-op here but we kicked him out when he tried to build a fortress of solitude. Violated co-op rules you see. But anyway like I was saying we were about to vote him in when he mentions that he wants to renovate the place to create an open concept. Now keep in mind we are an old building. Creating an open concept would involve removing some load-bearing beams. And that would be a problem. We informed Brainiac of this and he just said “No worries. I can control space and time. I certainly won’t let a load-bearing wall keep me from an open concept.” We then asked him why he needed an open concept.  “It’s modern” he said. “Brainiac has a certain sense of style. I also want to paint everything white. Maybe use some shiplap.” All this would increase insurance costs and I don’t even think the contractors for the co-op would do it. He just got angry and threatened to “shrink us all.”

Not wanting to be shrunk yet also not wanting to drive up costs that would increase the monthly HOA fees, the Board denied Brainiac’s application. Many feel the sexual harassment charge is just a convenient cover.

“If we denied him because of his reno project he could sue us” said a Board member who wishes to remain anonymous.

“But if we accuse him of sexual harassment he would have no options.”

As for Brainiac he claims to not be disturbed by the Board turning him down.

“Fools! I’ll just use my 12-level intellect to move the beach to another property I want to buy further inland. And it’s a condo not a co-op so that means no HOA either! They don’t call me Brainiac for nothing!”

(7)

Manhattan Infidel Investigates High School Yearbooks (It’s for the good of our Republic)!

Yearbooks hold the clue to the future of our Republic!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If the Brett Kavanaugh hearings have taught me anything (besides the fact that our Republic is doomed and Civil War is inevitable) it is that high school yearbooks are fair game and must be closely investigated.

And so, armed only with my ruthless devotion to the facts beer, lots and lots of beer I now present for my readers certain high school yearbooks I have looked at.

First up:  Dianne Feinstein.

Feinstein didn’t write much in her yearbook. In fact she only has two entries under her picture.

  1. “No Taxation without representation”
  2. “I stand with General Washington. Independence for the colonies!”

What can we infer from these rather cryptic entries? Obviously Feinstein is very old. And probably a brutal rapist. A very old brutal rapist.

Cory Booker

Senator Booker writes in his yearbook “Some people consider eating oysters to be moral and eating snails to be immoral. It is a matter of taste. And taste is not the same as appetite. Therefore not a question of morals. My taste includes both snails and oysters.”

What Mr. Booker is trying to tell us is that he is a very masculine man who only likes women. And he’s a brutal rapist.

Richard Blumenthal

Senator Blumenthal writes  “Just got my draft notice. No way in hell I’m going to Vietnam!”

What to make of this? Obviously someone must have hacked into Senator Blumenthal’s yearbook as we know he served heroically in Vietnam, winning both the Purple Heart and the Medal of Honor.

Ted Kennedy

In his senior yearbook the future Senator Kennedy writes, “Been practicing driving my car into a pond until it’s upside down and submerged. I then try to get out of the car. You never know when you’ll need to add this to your skill set. Oldsmobiles are actually the easiest to get out of when submerged. You just push the girl in the passenger seat the hell out of your way and you’re home free and on dry land in no time!”

This proves that Senator Kennedy was a committed women’s rights activist who deserves our respect.

Barack Obama

The future president writes, “Just call me Barry.”

What can we infer from this? Obviously America is a racist country and the young Obama felt the need to change his name to hide his biracial origins. Probably from the Klan, which I hear is very active in Hawaii.

Elizabeth Warren

Elizabeth Warren writes,  “They took the whole Cherokee nation Put us on this reservation Took away our ways of life The tomahawk and the bow and knife Took away our native tongue And taught their English to our young And all the beads we made by hand Are nowadays made in Japan Cherokee people Cherokee tribe So proud to live So proud to die They took the whole Indian nation Locked us on this reservation Though I wear a shirt and tie I’m still part redman deep inside Cherokee people Cherokee tribe So proud to live So proud to die But maybe someday when they learn Cherokee nation will return, will return Will return, will return, will return.”

I don’t know what to make of this. Perhaps it’s her subtle way of saying that she is a brutal rapist and a drunk who doesn’t have the temperament to be a U.S. senator.

Keith Richards

In his high school yearbook the future Rolling Stone writes, “I just want to live hard and die young. Don’t want to be in my 70s looking the worse from 50 years of extensive drug use.”

Sorry Keith. Sometimes the best laid plans……..

So what have we learned from looking at these high school yearbooks?

  1.  All men (especially Republicans) are brutal rapists
  2. Vote Democrat

And don’t any of you jokers even think of looking at my yearbook!

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