Dracula Accused of Blood Doping!

Dracula’s vampire records are now in doubt

 

 

 

 

 

 

Count Dracula has had his vampire credentials temporarily revoked after being suspended by the American Association of Vampires (“AAV“) for blood doping.

“The mission of the American Association of Vampires is to ensure fairness and transparency” said its president.

We want a fair competition among our vampires. The public deserves to have no doubt that their beloved vampires are not cheating. The explosive growth in vampire watching is in no small part because the public believes they are watching a fair competition. Dracula has placed this trust in doubt by his actions. Therefore we have no choice but to suspend him for the 2019 vampire biting season.

According to reports Dracula had been doping, or diluting, his blood with untainted human blood in order for him to “turn” more humans.

“By diluting his blood he gains the ability to turn humans during the daylight hours” said a blood doping expert.

As you know vampires are only able to come out at night. So they could only turn humans during the nighttime hours. This greatly reduced the number of humans they could bite. Frankly the only ones they could bite at night were prostitutes and IT professionals. But Dracula, being able to now bite people during daylight hours, greatly increased his bite numbers. Is it any wonder he was the bite champion of the AAV for three years in a row? This isn’t fair to the other vampires who couldn’t approach Dracula’s numbers. 

Dracula denies blood doping and says his large “turn” numbers are the result of his natural gifts.

I’ve never blood doped in my after life! I would never dilute my blood. I’m proud to be a vampire. This is just a witch hunt. The other vampires are just jealous and want to challenge the position I have attained because of my strength and cunning. Yeah I bite people during the day. But not because I’m doping. I wear a hat and sunglasses. And I use an umbrella. I don’t understand why none of the other vampires have thought of it before, frankly. It’s not my fault these traditionalist vampires are so set in their ways.

Dracula also claims that he is a victim of the institutional racism of the AAV.

They don’t like Eastern Europeans. There. I said it. I’ll say it again. They don’t like my kind. It’s a scandal. Every vampire knows about it but no one wants to talk about it. Meanwhile the AAV is promoting all the younger Hispanic vampires.

If he is not reinstated soon Dracula has threatened to quit the AAV and go to Europe to compete.

I could rack up some huge numbers on the continent. But where?  I first thought of Italy. I could bite the entire country. But you know Italians. They drink so much wine and I don’t drink wine. Yo no bebo vino!

After ruling out Italy Dracula settled on Ireland.

“I like beer. I still like beer. That’s the country for me!”

(6)

War Between McDonald’s and Burger King Escalates as Ronald McDonald Goes to the Mattresses!

Ronald McDonald will make them an offer they can’t refuse

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The feud between rival underworld fast food proprietors Ronald McDonald and the Burger King escalated after the Burger King ordered a hit on officer Big Mac (pictured here).

Typical corrupt cop

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The struggle for dominance in the fast food industry has never gotten this violent before and has many civilians worried about their safety.

“I just don’t know if my children will be safe at McDonald’s any more” said one mother.

Sources inside the Burger King camp say the decision was made to “off” officer Big Mac in retaliation for officer Big Mac breaking the jaw of one of the Burger King’s lieutenants.

This enraged the Burger King (pictured here)

Don’t mess with the King!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

and made officer Big Mac, who is known to have ties to the Wendy’s crime family vulnerable.

The decision to kill officer Big Mac was made during a contentious meeting at The Burger King’s compound. The Burger King came out immediately in favor of the killing when many of his subordinates were against it.

“Where does it say you can’t kill a cop?” said The Burger King.

I’m talking about a cop that’s mixed up in drugs. Yeah that’s what the secret sauce McDonald’s has is. It’s a drug. I’m talking about a – a – a dishonest cop – a crooked cop who got mixed up in the special sauce racket and got what was coming to him. That’s a terrific story. And we have newspaper people on the payroll, don’t we? And they might like a story like that.

And with that the controversial decision to kill officer Big Mac was made.  A neutral location was chosen and a gun was hidden in one of the bathroom stalls (the restaurant had one of those old toilets with a chain that came in handy as the gun was taped behind it.)

The Hamburgler

Secretly working for McDonald’s enemy the Burger King

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(who unbeknownst to Ronald McDonald had gone over to the other side and was working for the Burger King) was chosen to ride along as security to the meeting and perform the hit. The only snag was finding someone to place the gun in the bathroom.

“I want somebody good – and I mean very good – to plant that gun. I don’t want the Hamburgler coming out of that toilet with just his dick in his hands, alright?” said the Burger King.

And so the hit was made, escalating the brutal underground food civil war. Already McDonald’s, Applebee’s, Wendy’s and Red Robin have lined up against the Burger King.

***************************************************************************************************

Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News

***************************************************************************************************

The Hamburgler has been shot dead in Sicily where he had been hiding out after assassinating officer Big Mac.

“You betray Ronald McDonald you get killed. That’s just how I roll” said McDonald.

(10)

Manhattan Infidel Answers All Your Questions About the Worst Week in American History (AKA the “Someone Wants to Harm Our Democratic Masters Week”)

This man is a terrorist. If he were 100 percent white he’d be literally Hitler

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wednesday, June 24, a date which will live in infamy, The natural masters of America, the Democrats, were suddenly and deliberately attacked by the forces of evil (also known as Republicans).

And so began a week of horror unparalleled in American history. Men wept in the street. Women smothered their babies rather than let them live in a world where Republicans kill their Democratic masters. Dogs roamed the city eating carcasses. All this happened because our best and brightest Democrats were put in danger.

Since the suspect, Cesar Sayoc, has been arrested many of my readers have asked me to answer their questions about this matter. We here at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ are more than happy to oblige.

  • Who is Cesar Sayoc?

He is a Republican.

  • Wow.  Do all Republicans want to kill Democrats?

Yes. Republicans naturally resent Democrats since Democrats are smarter and better looking. Republicans are backward looking bitter clingers. It’s only natural one of them snapped and resorted to attempted murder.

  • I heard Cesar Sayoc was Filipino. Wouldn’t that make  him a person of color? And aren’t all peoples of color naturally drawn to the more compassionate agenda of the Democratic party?

It is true he had Filipino blood in him. But he also had Italian blood. And Italians are white. Therefore Republican. Therefore evil.

  • Wait. Italians are white?

Yes. Mostly. Well, the Italians from the respectable northern sections of the country. As for the south and Sicily? Totally not white, those greasy pasta-loving garlic eaters.

  • But wouldn’t that make the so-called respectable northern sections of the country Republican and the south and Sicily Democrat?  I’m confused.

Stay focused. Cesar Sayoc is a Republican who wanted to kill Democrats. That’s all that matters here.

  • Yes. You’re right. I’m sorry. But I wonder if we should technically call him a bomber since none of the so-called bombs exploded. Indeed they didn’t even have detonators.

Are YOU are Republican too?  Perhaps you also want to see Democrats die?

  • No I’m just asking a legitimate question. Also I was wondering how the packages got delivered since the stamps were not even cancelled?

What did I tell you before? Stay focused! Or do you want the Republicans to maintain control of the House of Representatives? This was an attack on the Democratic party. And the Democratic party is the backbone of our Democracy.

  • I thought the Constitution was the backbone of our Democracy?

You’re one of THEM aren’t you? You probably helped Cesar Sayoc make the bombs. You probably enjoy seeing your Democratic masters in danger!

  • First off I don’t recognize the Democrats, or anyone for that matter, as my master. I am a citizen of a free Republic.

Oh my god!  I’ve been triggered!  I feel unsafe!

  • Calm down son you’ll splurt. I just have one last question. It is reported that Sayoc was homeless and living in his van. Did he have a PC and a printer in his van? How did he print out all those stickers plastered all over his van?

That does it. This interview is over!  If you won’t take the danger of evil Republican terrorism directed to our Democratic friends seriously then I cannot help you.  Goodbye!

I hope this answers all your questions, dear readers.

(7)

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My Exclusive Interview with the Tree of Life Synagogue Shooter, Robert Bowers

Totally a Trump supporter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In the wake of the tragic shooting over the weekend at the Tree of Life Synagogue in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania many have wondered what were the shooter’s motivations?  While others in the mainstream media have speculated only I have traveled to the hospital where Robert Bowers is recovering from his bullet wounds to ask the shooter directly. What follows is my interview which I totally did not make up.

MI: Good afternoon Mr. Bowers.

RB: Are you a Jew?

MI: No sir I am not.

RB: Then I will talk to you. I’ll tell you everything you want to know. Fire away.

MI: Very well. Why did you shoot up the synagogue?

RB: I couldn’t sit by and let my people be slaughtered by kikes. I know the optics look bad but I had to go in.

MI: I see. Tell me how long have you known Donald Trump?

RB: What? I’ve never met the man

MI: Okay by “I’ve never met the man” what you really mean is that you’ve been in close contact with him and he ordered you to kill Jews?

RB: No that’s not what I mean. I’ve never met the man, I’m not in contact with him and he did not order me to kill Jews.

MI: Okay when you say “I’ve never met the man, I’m not in contact with him and he did not order me to kill Jews” you are implying that you were in secret contact with the President and he colluded with you to shoot up the synagogue?

RB: What the hell is wrong with you?  Are you listening to what I’m saying?  I’m not a fan of Donald Trump. I did not vote for him. He’s a globalist surrounded by kikes. I despise the man.

MI: I see. So when he told you to shoot up the synagogue did he leave it up to you how many to kill or did he give you a specific number?

RB: He didn’t give me any number! I never spoke to him. I do not like the man and I shot everyone at the synagogue because I wanted to!

[Pause]

MI:  Look pal, I’m trying to help you. Just tell me Donald Trump told you to do it and all will be forgiven. If you just say that you’ll have many allies in the press. And right now you need as many allies as possible.

RB: I can’t say that. It’s not the truth. I may be a murderous anti-Semite but I’m not a full of shit reporter.

MI: This is your last chance.

RB: F*ck off.

[Manhattan Infidel removed the tubes from Robert Bowers’s arm, blocking the pain killers from entering his body]

RB: What are you doing? Stop that!

MI: Just tell me what I want to know and this will all be over. Donald Trump ordered you to kill Jews.

RB: Why would he do that?  His son-in-law is a kike. That’s one of the many reasons I hate him.

MI: Alright you asked for it pal!

[Manhattan Infidel begins to smother Bowers with his pillow]

MI: I have a f*cking narrative to fill and you’re not helping. Tell me Donald Trump ordered you to kill Jews! Tell me or so help me I’ll smother you to death right here right now you son of a bitch!

RB: Help! I can’t breathe!

[Bowers goes into cardiac arrest and dies]

As you can see Bowers tragically died of his injuries while I was interviewing him. We may never know his motive but there is one thing we can all be sure of: Donald Trump, who is literally Hitler, ordered Bowers to kill as many Jews as possible.

I, Manhattan Infidel, a member of the Mainstream Media, have reported this. That means my narrative is true.

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2 Comments

An Open Letter from the Democratic National Committee

The Democratic Socialists of America want you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

With the crucial mid-terms just two weeks away I was contacted by the Democratic National Committee and asked if I would share a message from them with my readers. Naturally I was quite happy drunk to do as they asked.

So without further adieu I now present a critical message from your masters at the DNC:

Comrades the hour to wash away our national capitalistic dishonor and to liberate ourselves has come.  Everyone must rise up and launch attacks against the Republicans and their white privilege and topple the traitorous, capitalistic, Russian-colluding government of Donald Trump.

We must set up at once a revolutionary government, build various revolutionary socialistic forces and international organizations guided by the United Nations.

Punish and arrest all the cruel lackeys of Republicanism and Trumpism. Punish them. Get in their faces.

Help the Revolutionary Democratic Socialistic forces fulfill their duties.

We exhort the officers, soldiers and police forces of the Republican regime to side with the masses of the Democratic Socialist people and give their arms and ammunition to duly authorized Democratic Socialists to be burned.  (For once the Democratic Socialists come to power the state shall vanish and there will be no need of guns.)

We exhort all those who have gone astray to Republicanism and capitalism to wake up! 

Those who recognize their faults and confess them to the Democratic Socialists will be forgiven by the Revolutionary Democratic Socialist guard.

Those who bitterly cling to their guns and resist the Democratic Socialists shall be duly punished.

Comrades, we want to be delivered from capitalistic slavery and the dictatorial and ruthless regime of the Orange One.

We do not want unemployment and bankruptcy.  The Democratic Socialists promise full employment and wage equality.

We are determined to achieve our goals at any cost.

Let’s go forward to the triumph of Democratic Socialism together!

The Revolution will certainly be crowned with success! All you have to do is vote for your local Democratic Socialist candidate. Vote once. Vote often. Get your relatives to vote. Get the dead to vote.

El día de la muerte socialista demócrata is at hand!

The history of all hitherto existing society is the history of class struggles.

The modern bourgeois Republican capitalistic society has not done away with class antagonisms. It has but established new classes, new conditions of oppression, new forms of struggle in place of the old ones.

Long live a Socialistic Democratic United States of America under the authority of the United Nations!

Well, that certainly seems like a benign letter.  Certainly it’s in keeping with American traditions. I guess it’s true what they say: Death, taxes and socialism are inevitable. Might as well sit back and enjoy it.

(9)

2 Comments

Suspicious Packages Mailed to CNN, Obama and Clintons; Serfs Advised to be More Respectful to Their Masters

Serfs obey your masters!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wednesday was a day of terror throughout the United States, possibly more damaging than 9/11, after a series of suspicious packages were mailed to America’s elite.

David Gregory, a member of the ruling class of America, spoke for all when he said:

Political violence against the ruling class is never acceptable. We may have political differences but I’m sure we can all agree that agreeing with CNN is agreeable. And you want to be agreeable don’t you?  You don’t want any bombs mailed to you, do you? Shame if we were to shoot up another Republican soft ball practice. That’s not political violence. That is the rising up of a quite angry electorate against the beasts in Republican clothing. Don’t believe me? Look at my hair. 

My hair has spoken

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have elite hair. And that means I am to be believed.  I’m just glad the hate-filled deplorable Trump supporter who sent the bomb was unsuccessful. Now I can continue to berate the serfs with my superior knowledge and hair.

In New York City, where the act of disrespect to America’s masters was located, Mayor Warren Wilhelm Jr. (stage name Bill de Blasio) lamented the political divisions in America and called for increased tolerance of mainstream Democratic opinion.

This is clearly an act of terror and an attempt to silence correct political thought such as that expressed on CNN. New York will not tolerate this. I have ordered the rounding up of all those who did not vote for me as potential co-conspirators. Democrats will not be cowed. We may have political differences but as long as Republicans realize their moral and intellectual inferiority and the necessity to do our bidding all will be well.

A suspicious package was also sent to billionaire philanthropist Nazi collaborator George Soros.  Fortunately the billionaire philanthropist Nazi collaborator and person who is funding the central American caravan was not at home, saving another well-known Democrat Nazi from Republican violence.

“It was probably mailed by Jews” said a Soros employee nazi collaborator.

From the White House Donald Trump, the evil orange figure out to destroy America constitutionally elected President denounced the mailing of the packages.

“I strongly condemn today’s events” said literally Hitler.

Ah, but what do you expect the destroyer of universes to say? This man, who is literally Hitler and yes I know I already said that but it bears repeating, will say anything to hide his lust for power and violence.

As of press time the perpetrator or perpetrators of today’s act of anti-elite violence has not been caught but according to an FBI profiler the suspect is a white male, 45-60 years old, a Republican, probably Catholic and a gun owner who hates brown people. He might also be a smoker (and not a vaper as those who vape are usually progressives who live in urban areas and are peoples of color.)

CNN has offered a reward to the first person who shoots a Trump supporter.

“Violence against deplorables is not violence but righteousness” said CNN President Jeff Zucker.

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2 Comments

Luke Skywalker Sued by Animal Rights Activists!

Freedom fighter and animal killer

 

 

 

 

 

 

Famous Rebel Alliance fighter Luke Skywalker may have more than Imperial Stormtroopers to worry about after animal rights activists sued him for killing a tauntaun and sleeping inside it.

“Some hero” said the leader of “People Opposed to Cutting Open Tauntauns” said when instituting the lawsuit.

Tauntauns are our friends and companions on this journey through life. The relationship between a tauntaun and one of us is sacred. It’s as sacred as the relationship between a community organizer and socialism or the relationship between the Democratic party and the press. I don’t care how many so-called “Death Stars” he’s destroyed. I don’t care if he is fighting the Empire. There is right and there is wrong. Luke violated the sacred trust between our species. Who knows if tauntaun’s can communicate with each other but since Skywalker committed this travesty my tauntaun keeps pooping in my shoes and farting on me. This can’t be just a coincidence. Skywalker’s actions have put us on the verge of a war with the tauntauns!

When informed of the lawsuit Skywalker became indignant.

“This is a nuisance lawsuit” said the destroyer of Death Stars and tauntauns.

Do you know how cold it gets at night on Hoth? It can reach 60 degrees below zero. I had just battled a wampa and was very cold and confused. No doubt I was suffering from a mild form of hypothermia. I wasn’t on that planet sight seeing. It was part of the mission to destroy the Empire. It was necessary for the war effort. I am necessary for the war effort. And let me just say the experience wasn’t all that great for me. No matter how much I shower I’ve never been able to get the “I’ve just been inside a dead animal” smell off me. I’m Luke freaking Skywalker, war hero. I should be getting p*ssy right and left. But now the only one that will touch me is Chewbacca. He likes to take showers with me, which is kind of cool since I also get to use him as a towel. Anyway I’m just lucky my good friend Hans Solo was there to cut the tauntaun open and shove me inside.

When informed of Skywalker’s comments, Solo tried to distance himself from the situation.

Hey look I’m not his good friend. I barely know the guy. We are political allies that’s all. Yeah I cut open the tauntaun and put Skywalker inside but in my defense the tauntaun was already dead. Besides if I had let Skywalker die Princess Leia was never going to give me any action. I’ve wanted to do her ever since I saw her in that metal bikini. So just don’t sue me too!

**************************************************************************************************

Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News

**************************************************************************************************

A tauntaun uprising has begun on Hoth with reports of a rash of incidents of tauntauns pooping on light sabers and vomiting in the shoes of Rebel Alliance fighters.

“War is hell” said Obi-Wan Kenobi.

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Activist Pretty Certain He’s Annoyed About Something

What do we want? To be annoyed! When do we want it? That question annoys us!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Local area resident Adam N., a self-described “Lifestyle and Gender Activist” has announced on his Twitter feed that he is very annoyed. He just hasn’t found out what he wants to be annoyed about yet.

“From my earliest days I have always felt annoyed and discontented” said the professional activist.

I just wanted to scream at people and hit them with the “Hey ho, racism has got to to” sign I was always carrying. My mother told me I was probably just constipated and that it was affecting my mood. “Try eating some fruits and vegetables for a change” she said.  “All that cheese you eat is backing your plumbing up.” I of course didn’t buy her glib explanation. She was just trying to stop me from pursuing a career as an activist. She wanted me to get a job in corporate America. Capitalism is evil I always told her. And if I weren’t living in her basement rent free I’d probably have to pay for rent and food. Like I said, capitalism is racist.

Dropping out of high school to devote himself full-time to activism, Adam spent all his waking hours writing slogans on signs and deciding what he wanted to be annoyed about.

There is so much to choose from in this racist, sexist, misogynistic, capitalist, war-like country that is America. At first I thought I would become a professional native American sacred land activist. I even went up to North Dakota to protest an oil pipeline. But then the native Americans kicked me out. They said I was littering on their sacred land. And they seemed annoyed by my attempts to start a drum circle. So I left.  That’s when I decided that I was most annoyed by gender binaryism and the discrimination that comes from it.

However his gender binaryism activism was short-lived.

I showed up at this elementary school to give a lecture on the 31 scientifically recognized genders and I had one boy and girl come to the front of the class for show and tell. I had them both drop their pants. I was shocked that the girl still had her vagina. I started yelling at her “You’re ten years old!  Why do you still have that female thingy! Haven’t you started male hormones yet?” I pointed to the boy’s penis and said “Not all girls have vaginas. You won’t become empowered until you get one of these!” She just cried like she didn’t understand.

Banned from all school property the activist retreated back to his mother’s basement where he spends his time thinking of protest slogans.

“I want to put them all down on placards but Amazon hasn’t delivered my placard order yet. That’s it! I’ll protest Amazon. But not until I get my delivery.

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Manhattan Infidel Visits the Saudi Consulate in Istanbul, Turkey

This looks like a nice place to visit

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The entire world CNN and MSNBC have been outraged by the disappearance of the innocent journalist Muslim Brotherhood member, terrorist, probably a spy Jamal Khashoggi. Being a member of the MSM myself, I have an interest in this story and flew out to Istanbul last weekend to visit the scene of the crime and get to the truth of the matter.

After touching down in Istanbul Constantinople Byzantium I drove to the consulate. I stood outside the gate and shouted “I am a reporter. By the power of my moral authority let me in now!” At least I think that’s what I was shouting. I was relying on a google translation and eye witnesses later told me I might have been shouting “I have on women’s underwear. We make fun time?”

But whatever I was shouting the guilty, ruthless Saudis let me in.

A consulate official approached me and asked what I wanted.  I shouted “I want the truth. What happened to Jamal Khashoggi?”

Again. My Turkish is rusty and I later found out I was shouting “Me very kinky. You spanky, spanky?”

The Saudis wilted at my demand for the truth and took me to a private room.

I was met by another consulate official and once again demanded to know what happened to Khashoggi.

“Khashoggi? He slipped on a banana peel” was his answer.

“He slipped on a banana peel?  That caused his death” I answered incredulously.

“No. After slipping on banana peel he fell and hit his head on baseball bat.  Seventeen times.”

“So he died from slipping on a banana peel and accidentally hitting his head on a baseball bat?”

“No. Baseball bat was on roof. After slipping on banana peel and hitting his head on baseball bat he fell off the roof.”

“So he died from slipping on a banana peel that made him hit his head on a baseball bat that caused him to fall off the roof?”

“No. Before he fell off roof we shot him 27 times. By accident.”

“So he slipped on a banana peel that made him hit his head on a baseball bat that caused him to fall off the roof but not before being accidentally shot 27 times?  That’s how he died?”

“No. After falling he was impaled on the front gate.”

“So he slipped on a banana peel that made him hit his head on a baseball bat that caused him to fall off the roof but not before being accidentally shot 27 times leading to his impalement on the front gate? That’s how he died?”

“No. It was a heart attack. We believe he had high blood pressure.”

Having high blood pressure and taking medicine for a heart ailment I believe the Saudi explanation of his death makes sense.

I shook the consulate member’s hand and said “Thank you for telling me the truth” and left.

At least I think that’s what I said. Again my translation was faulty and I later found out what I actually said was “Come to my hotel room. I have a sex chair and a milking machine.”

But in any event we now know that Jamal Khashoggi died of a heart attack brought on by high blood pressure.

(6)

2 Comments

Manhattan Infidel Presents: My Exclusive Interview with Big Bird!

Let’s get it on!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This past week one of the groundbreaking characters in children’s television retired. I of course and referring to Big Bird. I had the pleasure to sit down with him to talk about his career.

MI: Good afternoon Big Bird.

BB: Pleasure to be here.

MI: Wow. Where to begin. Generations of children have grown up watching you. Families watch you. It must be quite the honor to be so important to so many generations.

BB: It is an honor. I’m very humbled.

MI: What will you miss most about being Big Bird?

BB: I’d have to say the sex.

MI: Um. What?

BB: I said I’m going to miss the sex. All of it. All of the promiscuous sex. Every day. 

MI: Um. 

BB: I tell you Trump was right. When you’re famous you can just grab ’em by the pussy and they’ll let you do it.

MI: I see.

BB: I lived the rock and roll lifestyle. So many groupies. So much anonymous sex.

MI: Can we talk about –

BB: I used to have sex on the set. Between takes I’d go to my dressing room with a MILF. Oh the passion.  MILF’s have a lot of pent up sexual energy to release. Sometimes I’d barely be able to finish a take because my knees would be so weak from the BJs I was getting in my dressing room.

MI: Okay.  This wasn’t what I was expecting you to talk about.

BB: Did I tell you about the time I was shooting up with Eric Clapton? There we were, needles dangling out of our arms and he says “Hey, you want to share George Harrison’s wife?” Yeah I said. That sounds like a great idea. So she comes over. I tell you we passed her back and forth like a bag of potato chips.

MI: I’d like to change the subject.

BB: You know I had Tiffany and Debbie Gibson at the same time. They were both underage so I couldn’t brag about it. Not in public anyway. But yeah. I had them both. Tiffany was better with her mouth but Debbie had that sweet, sweet ass.

MI: Okay I’m getting very uncomfortable here.

BB: You would think with all this sex I’d get a lot of venereal diseases. But only a few. I remember one time I had to travel to Europe to get my penis industrially steam cleaned.  I was gone from Sesame Street for a couple weeks. They told the public I was on a personal journey of enlightenment. Really it was all about de-cruding my penis.

MI: I really should go.

BB: I was into trannies before they were cool. I pride myself on that.

MI: I really really have to go. I have to take a long hot shower. With bleach.

[Manhattan Infidel runs away]

BB: Jeesh. What a prude.

I guess we really don’t know what our heroes are like when the camera is off.

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