
We just want privacy! No really! Privacy! We wish people would leave us alone! No really!
Today at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ I have the honor of interviewing the John and Yoko of the British Royal Family, Harry and Meghan, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex.
MI: Good afternoon to the two of you.
H & M: Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel.
MI: Many of my readers want to know how Harry and Meghan are adjusting to life in America.
H & M: Please, call us the Duke and Duchess of Sussex.
MI: Um. Okay. So how are the Duke and Duchess of Sussex doing?
M: I’m a Duchess!
H: She’s a Duchess!
M: That’s like more important than the Queen or something.
MI: I somehow don’t think so.
M: Did you know that Dutchess County, New York spells Duchess with a “t”? They’re stupid.
H: Incredibly stupid people.
MI: Anyway, the two of you have a new documentary out on Netflix where you tell your side of the story. For those who haven’t watched –
M: Why would anyone not watch? I’m a Duchess!
H: She’s a Duchess!
MI: Yes we’ve established that. But for those who for whatever reason haven’t watched, what is the number one thing you’d like them to know about the two of you?
M: It’s our desire for privacy and to be left alone.
H: Yes. Privacy and to be left alone.
M: And we will keep on doing documentaries and interviews until enough people have seen us and agree to leave us alone!
MI: Harry, is this true? Do you agree with what your wife, the Duchess of Sussex has said?
H: She speaks for me. I’m just a ginger. Your modern world frightens and confuses me.
MI: Um. Okay.
[One of Harry and Meghan’s servants brings over a glass of wine and gives it to Meghan.]
M: How dare you! Château le Blanc ’68 is supposed to be served slightly chilled! This is room temperature! What do you think we are? Animals?
H: Off with his head!
[The servant who dared serve the room temperature Château le Blanc ’68 has his head placed in a guillotine.]
Servant: No, no. Please I beg you! Let me live!
[His severed head rolls to Manhattan Infidel’s feet.]
MI: You have your own guillotine?
M: We bought it on eBay. I’m a Duchess you know.
H: There is much to admire in the French character. The guillotine is their greatest achievement. That and surrendering to the Germans.
MI: I’ve never had anyone beheaded in front of me before. It’s rather upsetting to see.
M: Well what would you do if one of your servants brought room temperature Château le Blanc ’68?
MI: I don’t have any servants.
H: No servants? Honey are all Americans such savages?
M: Yes dear. They are a savage, cruel and uncultured race.
H: Why I never!
MI: That’s about all the time we have. Do you have any last words for my readers?
M: We just want to be left alone.
H: Yeah, what my wife said. Leave us alone and give us some privacy.
M: And watch our documentary where we talk about how much we want privacy and to be left alone.
H: Yeah, what my wife said.
M: Shut up dear. No one wants to hear what a ginger has to say.
And so ended my interview with the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. And I think I speak for all Americans when I say I hope they get the privacy they so richly deserve.
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