This poor innocent being was maliciously murdered by Trump!

Donald Trump has more legal woes after the Arizona Attorney General indicted him today on charges of “murdering, conspiring to murder, acting in a conspiracy to murder the Road Runner and other assorted crimes we haven’t made up yet.”

“Since I am the only person in America who hasn’t indicted Trump yet I had to think of something” said the Attorney General.

I mean my reelection is coming up and I got nothing. I was falling behind in the indictment sweepstakes and if I didn’t act fast I’d totally lose out. I figure an indictment would be good for fundraising and might propel me onto higher office like governor or senator so why not give it a shot. So there I was trying to figure out what to indict him for when my son says “Daddy why is Wile E. Coyote always trying to kill the Road Runner?” That’s it! I’ll indict him for murdering the Road Runner. It makes as much sense as the other indictments.

The indictment has been hailed as “stunning and brave” by both MSNBC and CNN.

“Only a racist monster like Trump would harm an innocent Road Runner” declared Joy Reid.

“Who else but Trump would commit such a crime.  By the way I’m still gay. Just like to throw that out there in case they try to replace me” said CNN host Anderson Cooper.

The indictment of Trump takes pressure off Wile E. Coyote who had been considered the primary suspect in the death of the Road Runner.

From his hospital bed where he is recovering from wounds received from an explosion of Acme chemicals, having a boulder dropped on his head and falling off a cliff, Mr. Coyote

The person happiest Trump was indicted!

expressed gratitude for the indictment.

“My doctor says I may never have use of my legs again” said Mr. Coyote.

But at least that bastard Trump will never walk freely again. I’d like to again thank the Attorney General for indicting Trump. I was worried they’d go after me. I did post on my Facebook page “Off to kill the Road Runner!”  I also live-streamed myself painting a railroad tunnel on the side of a cliff in hopes the Road Runner would crash into it. But all that matters now is Trump goes to jail. The walls are closing in! 

However not all are convinced the indictment will pass constitutional muster, with many critics complaining that the indictment is flimsy at best.

“It’s crap” said Alan Dershowitz. “Hey is Epstein still dead? I miss my visits to his island.”

The trial date has been set for March 2024.

“It’s important that justice is served” said the Arizona Attorney General. “Of course if this brings me publicity and helps my re-election all the better.”

Former President Trump is reportedly indignant at the indictment.

“Come on. Everyone knows Governor Desanctimonious killed the Road Runner.”

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