Will this genie mean the end of NASA?

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) is dealing with scandal after it was revealed that one of their officers had a genie with magical powers trapped in his house.

The officer in question, Major Anthony Nelson (pictured here)

This man cost the U.S. government billions!

admits that he does keep a genie at his residence but that the relationship was consensual. He also says that he did not inform NASA of this because he was “afraid it would ruin his career.”

When testifying before a select committee on the scandal Nelson admitted that he has had the genie for several years but has forbidden her from using her powers to help NASA.

Congressman One:  When did you meet this so-called genie?

Major Nelson:  I had crashed onto a deserted island in the pacific and I opened her bottle.

Congressman One:  Opened her bottle? Is this a sexual reference?

Major Nelson:  No sir she has this pink bottle –

Congressman Two:  Are you sure it isn’t a sexual reference?

Major Nelson:  No sir.  It isn’t.  She just has a thing for pink.

Congressman Two:  And you keep her in your home?

Major Nelson:  Yes. For her safety.

Congressman Two:  Does she, um, sleep in your bed?

Major Nelson:  No she has this pink thing –

Congressman Three:  Is this a sexual reference?

Major Nelson:  No!

Congressman Four:  While my esteemed colleagues focus on the sexual references I’d like to talk about NASA’s budget. You mean to tell us that we have spent billions of dollars and are years behind schedule trying to get to the moon and all this time you had a genie with magical powers who could have blinked us onto the moon, given the moon a magnetosphere and an atmosphere at no cost to the American taxpayers?

[Pause]

Congressman Four:  Are you a f*cking idiot?

[Pause]

Major Nelson: The pink was a sexual reference.  She does sleep in my bed.

Congressman One:  We’d like to hear more about this pinkness.

Congressman Two:  Yes.  More.

Congressman Three:  Perhaps in a closed session?  Does the Major have any videos of the pink genie he’d like to show us?

Congressman Four:  What about the billions of dollars wasted?

The Select committee then voted for a closed door session with Major Nelson (who promised to bring his videos.)

Only one congressman (pictured here)

This congressman is having none of your shit!

refused to take part in the closed session and expressed disgust at his fellow congressman for ignoring the billions of dollars wasted.

“We wasted billions. Oh this makes me angry. Very angry indeed” he said.

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NASA’s administrator has announced that he has hired Major Nelson’s genie to be his personal assistant.

“Last night I had her blink me lap dance. Tonight I’m going to have her blink me a threesome. What? Yeah I suppose she can help us get to the moon, if that’s important to you.”

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