From the Atlantic to the Pacific America will be free of Jewry!

Following the surprise raid into Israel and growing international support, Ismail Haniyeh announced today that he is seeking to usurp Joe Biden as the Democratic candidate for President in 2024.

“I run not to oppose one man, but to oppose all Jews” said Haniyah to a throng of cheering college students.

The past few weeks I have seen a groundswell of support for Hamas among the young and educated in America. This is truly an opportunity for me to run a traditional Democratic platform of victimization, socialism and anti-Semitism. I believe my platform is enough to capture the nomination and from there the Presidency!

Haniyeh ended his speech by burning alive several Jewish children.

From his office in Washington D.C. Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY) welcomed Haniyeh’s entrance into the race.

“This is a great day for America” said the Senator who was surrounded by a group of Hamas fighters.

I believe Haniyeh will boldly proclaim and fight for the principles of the Democratic Party. Indeed I welcome our new Democratic standard-bearer. May his run for the Presidency go down in history. Now my support for Haniyeh is in no way a reflection upon the job that President Biden has done. He is my friend and we served together in the senate for decades. But lately he has not been as forthright in his Jew hatred as this country needs. And as a proud Jew who speaks for all Jews, we need more Jew hatred in this country!

Schumer then shook the hands of his Hamas guests before being beheaded and set on fire. After the embers had died down Schumer’s body parts were arranged to spell out “Diversity is our strength.”

From the White House President Biden reacted to Haniyah entering the ring. When he asked who Haniyeh is and was informed that he was the leader of Hamas a confused Biden responded, “He’s what?  The leader of ham and cheese?  Trinforlioraaaah.”

A debate between Biden and Haniyeh, hosted by NBC, has been scheduled.

When asked if Haniyeh will come out swinging during the debate his campaign manager responded, “No. He’ll probably just come out with a can of gasoline and set Biden on fire.”

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Sensing the threat to the ruling Junta posed by Haniyeh’s candidacy, Attorney General Merrick Garland indicted Haniyeh for his role in the J6 protests.

As for placing Haniyeh under arrest Garland said, “I’m looking for agents to do that now. But frankly they’re all afraid of being beheaded and burned up.”

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