Browsing the archives for the General insanity category

Differentially-Abled Bell Ringer of Notre Dame Resents Your White Privilege!

Quasimodo the hideously deformed bell ringer of Notre Dame Cathedral has announced on his Facebook page that he “resents your white privilege” and that he will not ring any more bells since the cathedral bells “symbolize the triumph of the white elite.” “I am a man and I will no longer do the will of my […]

Aaron Hernandez Commits Suicide, Upset Over Trump Victory; Blames Hillary’s Loss on Rampant American Sexism!

Former NFL star and convicted murderer Aaron Hernandez was found dead in his jail cell Wednesday morning of an apparent suicide. Those close to Hernandez claim that the convicted murderer was “shocked and stunned” by Trump’s victory last November and that it set him into a “tailspin of depression” that he never fully recovered from. […]

After United Airlines Incident Other Airlines Struggle to Compete!

After footage when viral last week of United Airlines forcibly beating and removing a passenger from one of its flights other airlines have decided to follow suit. “When we saw the video we were all like ‘F*ck why didn’t we think of this?’ “ said a spokesman for Delta. I mean I’ve heard of some […]

My Exclusive Interview with William Carlos Williams

If there’s one thing Manhattan Infidel loves doing to relax it’s curling up with a good book. Or streaming lesbian porn. But mainly curling up with a good book. Whenever the internet’s down and I can’t stream lesbian porn. With that in mind I have the pleasure of interviewing Patterson, New Jersey’s poet laureate, William […]

Bing Crosby Questioned on Suspicion of Trafficking in Moonbeams!

Popular singer Bing Crosby was taken into custody today by the LAPD and questioned for several hours over reports that he was offering moonbeams to high school students. “We’ve had our eye on Mr. Crosby for awhile now” said a detective. Parents have been bombarding us with complaints that Crosby has been hanging around schools. […]

Chelsea Clinton Wins Lifetime Achievement Award Beating out Pete Best, Dick Sargent and the Second Guy to Play Lionel on the Jeffersons!

Chelsea Clinton, daughter of former President Bill Clinton and former Presidential candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton has been given the “Lifetime Impact Award” from Variety magazine, adding to her long list of accomplishments. “New York City is a vibrant community” said a spokesman for Variety. And Chelsea Clinton is a vibrant example of this vibrant community. […]

The Scoops of Rachel Maddow!

By now many are aware of Rachel Maddow’s scoop where she brought out Donald Trump’s 2005 tax return and showed the world that he paid 25 percent that year. What most don’t know is that Maddow has a long history of such scoops. As a benefit to my readers I now give you  The Scoops […]

New England Patriots to Start All-Female Offensive Line!

The New England Patriots, winners of two of the last three Super Bowls, shocked the NFL today by announcing that they will be starting an all-female offensive line next season. “We’ve had plenty of success the past few years” said owner Robert Kraft. And that got me to thinking about toxic male masculinity and ableism. […]

Greeks Besiege Troy, New York!

The upstate New York town of Troy, New York has been cutoff from the outside world because of a besieging Greek army. The town, located on the Hudson River about 150 miles north of New York City woke up last week to find ships from Ilium docked in Troy Landing. Greek warriors wearing traditional costumes from […]

Innocent Wiccan Who Just Wanted to Empower Her Gender Killed by Two German Kids!

Police in the German state of Bavaria are still trying to sort out the details of a hate crime wherein a local Wiccan was burned to death after being thrown in an oven by brother and sister Hansel and Gretel. “Of all my years on the force this is the most despicable crime I have […]