Browsing the archives for the General insanity category

President William McKinley’s Yelp Review of the Pan-American Exposition in Buffalo

                Being President of the United States means I often have to attend public events. Sometimes these public events are fun. Sometimes they aren’t. I recently attended the Pan-American Exposition in Buffalo New York. Yeah, Buffalo. It’s kind of like Philadelphia only without the cheesesteaks: Boring. My advisers tell […]

My Exclusive Interview with Cardinal Theodore McCarrick

            Today at Manhattan Infidel™ (I report you don’t talk about the contents of my crawlspace) I have the pleasure of interviewing a subject much in the news lately, the retired archbishop of Washington, D.C., His Eminence Cardinal Theodore McCarrick. MI: Good afternoon Cardinal McCarrick. CM: Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel. Isn’t it […]

Happy Independence Day!

            On July 2nd, 1776 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania the Continental Congress approved a resolution of independence (which was printed and signed by John Hancock on July 4th). Today many Americans have not read the Declaration of Independence. Or if they do they don’t think about it. I urge all Americans […]

Day Baseball? Great Idea. Day Baseball When I’m at Work? Bad Idea!

                  I was prepared to write about last night’s Yankee game  as I had a ticket. Until I noticed it was a day game and I’d be at work. What?  A day game?  During the week?  So I got nothing today. Instead please enjoy this visit to the archives: (5)

Manhattan Infidel’s Handy Guide to Surviving the EuroTrash Apocalypse (AKA the so-called “World Cup”)

              Once every four years a horrible event occurs that forces Americans indoors to drink alone at home instead of at bars like they should. Yes bars will be filled with brawling, foul-mouthed, uncouth Englishman.  Your bars. The bars you usually go to to watch a baseball game. In […]

FBI Releases New Gun Protocol Policy!

            Two weeks ago an FBI agent did a back flip on a dance floor in Denver. His gun came out and discharged, shooting a man in the leg. Since the much-publicized incident top FBI officials have been working around the clock protecting us from the Russians by spying on […]

Superman Transitions; To Become Super Z/She/He!

            Beloved superhero from another world, Superman, announced today that he is beginning hormone replacement therapy and expects to transition to a new “gender fluid super hero identity” within the year. “Being a super hero and saving people has given me a unique perspective on the world” said the former […]

California Bans Water!

                    Not content with banning fire, California has voted to ban water in the state by 2030. “For far too long California has used water to the detriment of the environment” declared its governor Jerry Brown. We have wasted water on our lawns. We have wasted […]

Starbucks Announces New “You Can Stay All Day Without Buying Anything” Policy!

            In light of a recent incident in Philadelphia where two black men were kicked out of their store for not buying anything, popular though shitty chain Starbucks has announced a new policy. “We are a welcoming shitty coffee community” said Starbuck’s CEO Kevin Johnson. And as a community of […]

America Fellates Royal Couple!

            The once proud nation of the United States beclowned itself Saturday as they sat in rapture watching non-stop coverage of the wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. “This is the greatest thing to happen to America since our Royal wedding of Chelsea Clinton to her husband” said an […]