Whoops. Guess I’m a free woman now!

Today at the worldwide headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ I am pleased to interview the romantic Greek legend Leander.

MI:  Good afternoon Leander. I dare say that the entire world knows your story.

L:  Yes.  It’s romantic and tragic at the same time.

MI:  To love is a tragedy.

L:  That’s a deep, heavy thought.

MI:  I’m a deep, heavy person.

L: Might be the KFC.

MI:  Hey, if loving KFC is wrong, I don’t want to be right. But anyway about your story.  You were in love with Hero.

L:  Yes. Hero.  My soulmate.  My loyal soulmate.  We lived on opposite sides of the Hellespont.  Every night I would swim across the strait to her. Hero, my love, my ever loyal soulmate would light a lamp that would guide me across the strait. Then one day a strong wind blew out the lamp and I lost my way and drowned.  I died for love.

MI:  Very romantic.

L:  Yes.  Yes it is.

MI: So what’s it like being dead?

L:  Kinda boring. Everyone just stands around with nothing to do.

MI:  So it’s a lot like living in Poughkeepsie?

L:  Yes.

MI:  Anyway there is one question I wanted to ask you.

L:  Fire away Manhattan Infidel.

MI:  Why didn’t you just use a boat?

L:  What?

MI:  Why didn’t you just rent a boat  to cross the strait. It would have been a lot easier.

[Pause]

L:  Son of a bitch! Dammit!  I’m such an idiot!  I’m such a stupid idiot!

MI:  Now, now. You’re being hard on yourself.  Besides you can console yourself with the thought that your one true love, your loyal soulmate mourned your death and lived out the rest of her life in lonely isolation.

L:  That’s true. I didn’t think of that.  No doubt she was never able to replace my love and lived out her days as a widow.

MI:  Oh look who it is. It’s Hero herself!

[Hero enters] 

Questions. I got questions!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

L:  Hero. My one true love! Ever loyal!

H:  Just answer the goddamn question.

L: What?

H:  Why didn’t you use a f*cking boat?  Do you know how much your death made me look foolish?  Everyone was like “Hero.  Nice girl.  Bad taste in men.  He wasn’t even smart enough to rent a boat.  He never would have been able to provide for her.”

L:  My love!  What are you saying?

H:  Do I have to spell it out, idiot?

L:  But, but…..my love for you is what killed me.  Surely you stayed loyal to my memory?

H: I have a new man. And he’s smart enough to rent a boat.  Pete come over here.

[Pete Davidson enters] 

Irresistible to all women!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PD:  Hey. What’s up dead Greek guy.

L:  Hero who is this?

H:  It’s my new man, Pete Davidson.

PD:  You didn’t tell me Hero was so……..passionate.

L:  What?  Oh my god.

H:  Well we’re out of here.  Pete and me are going to spend the entire weekend role playing.

[Hero and Pete Davidson leave]

MI: How are you feeling?

L:  I have nothing left to live for.

MI:  Well technically you’re dead.

L:  Women!

MI: Yeah, women.  Can’t live with them.  Can’t live without them.

[Leander notices the bucket of KFC that Manhattan Infidel is holding]

L:  You got a leg in there?

MI: Sure. Have one.

[Leander grabs a leg from the bucket]

MI:  So why didn’t you rent a boat?

L:  Son of a bitch!

[Leander picks up the bucket of KFC and throws it against the wall and leaves]

MI: Touchy isn’t he?

And so ended my interview with Leander.  You know I think I’ll send him my KFC receipt.  Those buckets aren’t cheap.

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