It’s a party and everyone is invited!

With Pride month in full swing, President Biden announced today that he is issuing an executive order giving all the seven deadly sins their own month to celebrate.

“June is the month we celebrate pride” declared the President.

And that got me to thinking.  Why are the other deadly sins not celebrated?  That isn’t fair and we must do something about it. That is why I am announcing that starting in 2024 all sins will get their own month.  God bless the Queen! Trulumisphereown!

With the announcement over, President Biden shook hands with the air before walking into a wall and being led off stage by the Secret Service.  After he left assembled reporters were given a list detailing the months given to the sins.

• Lust

Lust will be given the month of January.  During this month all those inflicted with the sin of lust are encouraged to “get handsy” with coworkers.  As to possible HR violations that this may cause President Biden showed that “getting handsy” was okay by grabbing popular actress Eva Longoria’s breasts and shoving his tongue down her throat

“If the President can get handsy, that means everyone can” said a White House spokesman he/she.  “He’s proud of lust and why not?”

The official Lust flag will be a picture of Bill Clinton.

Let me show you my cigar!

• Gluttony

Gluttony will be given the month of March.  During the month of March all those who are feeling gluttonous are encouraged to visit their local Burger King or McDonalds. (During March all Burger King and McDonalds burgers will be free to those with an official “Glutton” card.)

The Glutton flag will be a picture of this man’s stomach.

Not Manhattan Infidel’s stomach

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note:  Contrary to popular belief this is not the stomach of internationally famous unknown blogger Manhattan Infidel.

• Greed

Greed will be given the months of July AND August, as those who suffer from greed did not think one month was enough.  During the month of Greed everyone will be encouraged to steal fries off a fat man’s plate.  Because you can never have too many fries.

The Greed flag will be a picture of Alex Rodriguez, 

Derek Jeter sucks!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

who greedily took not unlimited Yankee resources with a ten-year contract.

• Sloth

The month designated for sloth has not been determined as the person responsible for Sloth month has not done anything as of yet.  

The flag for Sloth month also has not yet been designed. Possibly because the artist tasked with creating the flag is still asleep.

• Wrath

Wrath shall be given the month of September. During Wrath month everyone will receive a prerecorded phone call from Alec Baldwin where he will call you a “worthless pain in the ass.”  For a reasonable fee he will also visit your residence and shoot you.

The flag for Wrath month will be Alec Baldwin of course. 

Don’t make me shoot you!

• Envy

Envy shall be given the month of October.  During Envy month all Americans are encouraged to speak ill of their neighbors. Hey, the neighbor deserved it.  How dare they have more possessions than you do!

The flag of Envy month shall be the Canadian flag, as all Canadians are secretly envious of America.  And why wouldn’t they be?  Canadian losers!

America thinks they are so great. Well we have glaciers!

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Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News

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The month of Envy has been moved to January after envious people petitioned to have their month go first.

“Why should the other months get priority” said one envious person.

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More Breaking News More Breaking News More Breaking News 

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Lust month has been discontinued and folded into Pride Month.

“Pride month is already a dedication of lust so in the interest of economy we have folded it into Pride month.  I mean, who really need two months dedicated to lust?  Besides Bill Clinton that is” said a White House spokesman he/she.

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