Has anyone seen my red wheel barrow?

Today at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ I have the pleasure of interviewing the respected and influential poet William Carlos Williams.

MI:  Good day to you, Mr. Williams.

WCW:  Good day to you Manhattan Infidel.

MI:  I must say I’m very excited to have you here. You are the first poet I’ve interviewed.

WCW:  Why thank you. I’m humbled you chose me.  No doubt you want me to talk about my award-winning work “Patterson” and the role of imagism in poetry. I’d be delighted to discuss these deep, intellectual topics and currents of thought.

MI:  Actually I just want to talk about the Red Wheel Barrow.

[William Carlos Williams sighs]

WCW:  It’s always the damn wheel barrow.  Now I know how Led Zeppelin feels whenever someone asks about Stairway to Heaven. 

MI:  I’d like to quote in full your greatest poem.

WCW:  My greatest? 

MI:  “So much depends upon/a red wheel barrow/glazed with rain water/beside the white chickens.”  What exactly did you mean by so much depends?

WCW:  Just stuff. You know.  Lots of stuff.  It all depends on that wheel barrow.

MI:  Yes I know. But what stuff?

WCW:  Stuff!  So much depends on it!  Stuff.

MI:  Could you be more specific?

WCW:  Stuff!  Everything depends on the wheel barrow!

MI:  Why?

WCW:  Because!

MI:  I’m not following you. Why does everything depend on the red wheel barrow?  You also write that it’s a red wheel barrow beside white chickens.  Does the red wheel barrow represent the native Americans and the white chickens represent Europeans encroaching on their land? 

WCW:  No!

MI:  Could the red wheel barrow represent the Iron Curtain and communism?  Are the white chickens America who will not go to war with the Russians?

WCW:  What?  No!  The red wheel barrow represents stuff.  Stuff! That’s all!  Stuff!

[Pause]

MI:  So you don’t know what it means either?

[Pause]

WCW:  Not really. To be honest I was pretty drunk when I wrote it. I was trying to impress one of the nurses at the hospital I work at.

MI: You work at a hospital?  Are you an orderly?

WCW:  I’m the head pediatrician!

MI: You work with children?

WCW:  Yes.

MI:  Ever give them hormone blockers or help them along in their transition to another gender?

WCW:  No!

MI:  And you call yourself a doctor!

WCW:  Oh my god! I just want to get back home to New Jersey.

MI: You’re from New Jersey? Do you know Bruce Springsteen or Jon Bon Jovi?

WCW:  No I don’t. What magazine did you say you worked for?

MI: I don’t work for any magazines.  I’m a blogger actually.

WCW: What?  I’m talking to a f*cking blogger?

MI: Yes but my blog is very popular. Every week three of four people read it. One last question.  Would you give a red wheel barrow puberty blockers and help it along in its transition to a new gender?

WCW:  You’re insane.

MI:  Only technically.  Well that’s about all the time we have –

WCW:  Thank god. I am out of here.

[William Carlos Williams leaves]

And so ended my interview with William Carlos Williams. Dammit I forgot to ask him if the red wheel barrow represented climate change.

(60)