Browsing the blog archives for June, 2010
“I see great things in baseball. It’s our game – the American game. It will take our people out of doors, fill them with oxygen, give them a larger physical stoicism. Tend to relieve us from being a nervous, dyspeptic set. Repair these losses, and be a blessing to us.” ~ Walt Whitman The first […]
Scientists at the Theoretical Physics Department of M.I.T. announced today that they have found the origin of the elusive substance known as dark matter: Chuck Cunningham, older brother of Ritchie Cunningham from popular ’70s sitcom Happy Days. After careful review of all episodes of Happy Days that featured the mysterious and elusive Chuck Cunningham and […]
Amid mounting criticism Major Tony Nelson of NASA has announced his resignation. The growing scandal, dubbed “JeannieGate” by the press has threatened future funding for the organization at a time when the United States space program is already at an all time low. “We have no space program now. We have to depend of other […]
Today on the Yellow Brick Road an accident involving 20 cars killed two pedestrians, tentatively identified as “Tin Man” and “Scarecrow.” Around 8:30 AM during the height of the morning rush hour four pedestrians were noticed holding hands and dancing along the side of the Yellow Brick Road, the only non-toll road leading to Emerald […]
On the 63rd day of the Gulf Oil Spill, President Obama returned to Louisiana to tour devastated areas and offer his support to besieged locals. Holding his hands on his hips and staring out at the Gulf as contractors attempted to set up booms to collect the oil, President Obama spoke with reporters. “I am […]
Standing in front of a Federal judge, Times Square bomber Faishal Shahzad pleaded guilty to the charges against him. “I want to plead guilty and I will plead guilty 100 times over until the United States pulls its forces from Iraq and Afghanistan.” Mr. Shahzad then went on to document for the record his actions […]
The two opposing players met at half-court. But instead of dribbling a basketball they locked arms and chanted “No tats, no peace!” It was the NBA’s first pro-tattoo work stoppage. Earlier NBA Commissioner David Stern, reacting to recent bad publicity and plummeting ratings, had instituted a “tattoo cap” for all NBA teams. Under the terms […]
BP engineers, discouraged by their failure to end the leak in the Gulf of Mexico have resorted to a new, desperate tactic that they feel is “most promising.” Beginning today BP engineers will lower dozens of 52 inch flat screen TVs to the ocean floor. Those TVs will broadcast World Cup soccer in hopes of […]
When seven castaways were rescued from a tropical island, the skipper of the charter boat might have thought his problems were over. But they were just beginning. The Skipper, founder of S.S. Minnow Island Charter, Inc., has denied all wrongdoing in the beaching of his boat and subsequent stranding of his passengers, including a multimillionaire […]
Speaking from the Oval Office for the first time, President Obama promised worried Americans that his Administration is doing all in its power to plug the oil leak ravaging the Gulf Coast. “Today, as we look to the Gulf, we see an entire way of life being threatened by a menacing cloud of black crude. […]