Day 66 of Gulf Oil Crisis: President Obama Tours Zone of Devastation

The One True GodOn the 63rd day of the Gulf Oil Spill, President Obama returned to Louisiana to tour devastated areas and offer his support to besieged locals.  Holding his hands on his hips and staring out at the Gulf as contractors attempted to set up booms to collect the oil, President Obama spoke with reporters.

“I am the President.  This is my responsibility.  The buck stops with me.  Well, mainly the buck stops with the previous administration who insisted on drilling for oil when we have so much natural wind energy available.”

Reporters questioned him about the future viability of the economy of the devastated Gulf states.

“I will not abandon the hard working fisherman whose livelihood is disappearing.  But perhaps if they didn’t watch Fox news and take money from Haliburton they wouldn’t have these problems.  But I will not abandon these fishermen.  It is not their fault they didn’t go to Harvard.”

The President walked along the beach, stopping occasionally to stare at the sand.

This is a crisis moment for America.  Do we continue to rely on nonrenewable fossil fuels or do we invest in clean, green technology?  My administration will fight for the development of alternative forms of energy such as wind, solar power, fireflies, dirt and Alec Baldwin’s chest hair.  Philly cheese steaks, poison sumac, poison ivy but not poison oak.  Rainbows, angels, dwarfs, dilithium crystals and Regis Philbin.  Martians, Glenn Ford and Aunt Bee.  All these and more my science Czar assures me are clean, affordable and cheap forms of energy.

A local fisherman approached President Obama to ask him a question.

“Kneel before Obama” declared the President.

“I will kneel before you, if it will save lives” said the fisherman.

“It will, starting with your own” said Obama.

President Obama then obliterated the fisherman with his heat vision.

“Did you see that?  Did you see what I just did?  I have powers beyond reason here! Is there no one on this planet to even challenge me?”

President Obama then asked reporters to come closer.

“I am President Obama. Your ruler. Yes, today begins a new order. Your lands, your possessions, your very lives, will gladly be given in tribute to me, President Obama! In return for your obedience you will enjoy my generous protection. In other words you will be allowed to live”

President Obama then boarded a helicopter for the trip back to New Orleans.



3 Responses

  1. Matt says:

    Alright, who broke the phantom zone?

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    That is why he doesn’t want to show his birth certificate. He’s Kryptonian.

  3. Mark says:

    I have been a strong advocate for the use of Dilithium crystals. It’s just these damn Klingon crystals. I have inject them with high energy photons in order to cause crystalin restructure…in theory.

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