Good News: Community Board Approves Mosque Near Ground Zero

The Twin Towers, brought down by American racism and intoleranceCommunity Board 1 in lower Manhattan approved today the building of a mega mosque a block from Ground Zero.  In the 29-1 vote the Board said that the planned mega mosque will provide recreational facilities for the impoverished citizens of lower Manhattan and will also, “in the tradition of Islam” promote tolerance.

The plan will turn the old Burlington Coat Factory into a 100 million dollar center that will have a mosque, a 500 seat auditorium, tentatively named the “Death to America Auditorium”, a swimming pool, a bookstore, tentatively called the “Death to America Bookstore” and a restaurant which will feature the finest in Muslim cuisine, including sawed off westerner’s head, chopped off westerner’s head, hacked off westerner’s head and Chicken McNuggets.

The proposal was not without its detractors however as hordes of intolerant citizens attended the board meeting to voice their displeasure.

“We expected a few racists to oppose this beautiful symbol of togetherness” said Manhattan Borough President Scott Stringer “but it is our responsibility to label the opposition as what they are – un-American, unpatriotic and race bating.  And I’m not just saying that because Muslims are holding my son hostage and have threatened to cut his head off.” 

City Council Speaker Christine Quinn commented that the Mosque will unite New York behind its core principles of tolerance and diversity.

We will never know what the true motives were of those who flew planes into buildings in Downtown Manhattan. Perhaps they were having difficulty paying off their mortgage.  Perhaps they wanted to make a statement about the evils of capitalism.  But there is one thing all intelligent New Yorker’s know – this mosque will put an end to the false and hurtful notion that Muslims want to kill us.  A notion, I might add, that was used by the previous administration to justify its two immoral wars.

Community Board 1 also expressed its support for efforts to build a tribute to the Japanese Navy near the Arizona Memorial.

“We will never know what the true motives were of the Japanese Navy.  Perhaps the pilots were having difficulty paying off their mortgage.  But the proposed tribute will help ensure American values of diversity, tolerance and peace” said a Community Board member



6 Responses

  1. KingShamus says:

    Dude, can we ever truly know what motivates people? We can’t read minds, after all.

    Besides written statements, verbal communication and a person’s actions, it’s simply impossible to determine the true drivers of anybody’s deeds.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    I believe Groucho Marx was right – all motivation is economic.

    No wait, wrong Marx brother.

  3. Matt says:

    I wonder if they’ll have all the swords and knives they need to behead those who refuse to convert? You know, in the name of ‘”tolerance.”

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    The swords and knives will be available in the Death to America bookstore.

  5. At least we’ll know where to find and kill them the next time they try to kill us.

  6. Manhattan Infidel says:

    A unexpected benefit from the plan.

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