Obama Finds Evidence of Capitalists on Wall Street

The One True GodIn a speech today President Obama called the existence of “known capitalists” on Wall Street the greatest danger the American Republic has faced in years.

Speaking in Prime Time to the American people, President Obama outlined the case against Wall Street and the “evils” he saw during his brief trip to New York.

“My fellow Americans.  Believe me when I say that when I visited Wall Street I looked into the face of  evil. I would have seen more but Michelle and I were late for a Broadway show.”

Warming to his subject, the President gave specific examples of the “evil and malfeasance” of the enemies of the American people.

I had heard rumors, that I scarcely could believe in today’s enlightened times, of people in New York engaged in the tired old pursuit of profit.  Today, we are engaged in an all-out final battle between capitalism and the policies of my administration. The modern champions of capitalism have selected this as the time.  My fellow Americans can there be anyone watching who is so blind as to say that war is not on against those of us who want to redistribute income?  I have in my hand a list of 205 cases of individuals who would appear to be either card carrying capitalists or certainly loyal to the principles of a free market economy. These men continue to work freely on Wall Street even though they are known by our State Department to be capitalists. One thing to remember when discussing capitalists is that we are not dealing with spies who get 30 pieces of silver.  We are dealing with a more sinister type because it permits the capitalistic enemy to shape and guide our economic policy.  The great difference between the policies of my administration and the capitalists on Wall Street is not political.  It is moral.  My fellow Americans.  It is time to drive the money changers out of the temple and return America to its socialist roots.  Thank you and good night.

President Obama then announced a financial reform package that will raise taxes on anyone “not working for the Federal Government.”

NBC has announced that as part of its “Green Week” President Obama will appear on all their Prime Time shows.

“Redistribution of income helps the environment” said a spokesman for NBC.



6 Responses

  1. He sure as hell won’t raise a lot of bling by taxing those who don’t work for the government. Now, if he taxed oil particles per million in the Gulf, well then he might just have something right there.

  2. Matt says:

    “Redistribution of income helps the environment” said a spokesman for NBC.

    It also helps GE’s profits. Who would have known?

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Matt: I know, I know. Who’d a thunk it? Who could believe there’d be a correlation between those pushing green technology and those who owned the green companies. I’m shocked!

    Snarky: Those who work for the government are the privileged class. We owe are obedience to our lords and masters in the government. yikes.

  4. Mark says:

    I owe my obedience to our ant overlords.

    p.s. The I.Q. test I have to take before submitting a comment is really hard! Add 8 and 8!!! I mean, come on!
    Who does that in the real world! I’m not a physicist!

  5. Manhattan Infidel says:

    I’m thinking of changing the math question to a gilligan’s island trivia question.

  6. Mark says:

    The answer is Dawn Wells.

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