Browsing the blog archives for October, 2016

Feds Reopen Clinton Email Investigation!

The FBI has announced that it is reopening the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails after evidence was discovered in an unrelated investigation. While the “unrelated case” has not been officially identified sources say it has to do with Huma Abedin’s estranged husband, serial texter Anthony Weiner (picture here.) Having spent all weekend laying on the […]


My Little Pony Twilight Sparkle Diagnosed with Grave’s Disease!

Popular children’s personality Twilight Sparkle, one of the popular My Little Pony’s has been diagnosed with Grave’s Disease (not to be confused with Peter Graves’ Disease.) “Upon consultation with my doctor I have decided to take a leave of absence” said Twilight. I know this will disappoint my many fans. And let’s be honest, I […]

Democrats Push Voting Rights for Zombies

House minority leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) announced today that when Hillary Clinton is sworn in on January 20th her first order of business will be working with the new President on an amnesty bill for zombies. “The undead must be brought into the mainstream” she told reporters. Since the zombie apocalypse started many have tried […]

Snoopy Fired!

Snoopy has been let go by Met Life after three decades as its spokesman. “We’re looking to go in a new direction” said a representative for the insurance giant. We thank Snoopy for his decades of service to us and our customers. He has been a reliable and popular spokesman. This decision to part ways with […]

Madonna Promises Blow Jobs to Anyone Who Votes for Clinton; Trump Surges in Polls

Famous 1980s superstar Madonna has gone on record as promising oral sex to anyone who votes for Hillary Clinton on election day. “If you vote for Hillary Clinton I will give you a blow job” she told a packed crowd. Okay?  I’m really good. I take my time. I have a lot of eye contact and […]


Death Star to Convert to Wind Power!

The Galactic Empire announced today a major overhaul of the Death Star, replacing its power source with a series of wind farms that will be housed on the exterior of the Star. “This is a great day for the environment of the Empire” declared the Galactic Empire’s leader, Emperor Sheev Palpatine. We must all work together to save our […]

Charlie Brown Marries His Teacher!

Local resident Charlie Brown shocked the town today by announcing that he has married his teacher. “From the first moment she said “wa wa wa” to me I was in love” said the smitten ten-year old. It’s like we had our own private language. No one has ever understood me like her. She asked me […]

ISIS Buying Samsung Galaxy Note 7s!

In a disturbing security development it has been learned that ISIS fighters are having Samsung Galaxy Note 7 phones shipped to them to use against the west. “This is of course not going to be tolerated by us” said President Obama. ISIS is the enemy of western civilization and western values. If they succeed in […]

Anthony Weiner: Trump Groped Me So Hard I Couldn’t Take a Selfie of My Penis!

Former congressman Anthony Weiner has joined a long list of people accusing Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump of inappropriate sexual contact. “Trump’s behavior has shaken me to my core” declared Weiner. Despite our political differences we have always maintained a civil relationship and I admire his success. Anyway I went up to his hotel room […]


Emilio Largo Leaves Spectre to Focus on Financial Crimes and Pizza!

The Special Executive for Counter-Intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion (Spectre) suffered a debilitating blow when their second in command, Emilio Largo, quit to form his own company. Sources say that Largo had been unhappy for some time with Spectre’s command structure and saw no hope of advancement. “He really felt that he should have been number […]