Anthony Weiner: Trump Groped Me So Hard I Couldn’t Take a Selfie of My Penis!

Donald Trump is a sexual predator!

Donald Trump is a sexual predator!

Former congressman Anthony Weiner has joined a long list of people accusing Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump of inappropriate sexual contact.

“Trump’s behavior has shaken me to my core” declared Weiner.

Despite our political differences we have always maintained a civil relationship and I admire his success. Anyway I went up to his hotel room to congratulate him on being the nominee and  he grabbed me firmly by my buttocks and stuck his tongue down my throat. I was taken aback and looked to see if there were any witnesses. Because, hey, if you’re going to be freaky then you might as well have people watch. I like being watched. I have a firm, pleasing body. I like touching it. Often. It excites me when people see my body. Usually from the unsolicited selfies I send them.

Seeing that there were no witnesses to the “freaky” behavior, Weiner’s excitement grew flaccid.

I pushed myself away from Trump. He was pressed in against my body and I didn’t want to damage my cell phone. Besides, with his arms wrapped around me I didn’t have room to pull it out. My phone I mean. Well, I guess I mean my phone also. I told him “Donald, I don’t mind being pinned up against a wall and rubbed up against,pelvis thrusting against pelvis, grinding our reproductive organs together in forbidden pleasure but let me take a photo and share it. He refused. That’s when I became angry and stormed out of the room crying.

Crying and “emotionally devastated” by his inability to take a photo of his penis, Weiner ran to the closet police precinct to report his sexual assault.

I told the cops how Trump brutally assaulted me and prevented me from taking my phone out so I could take a photo of my penis. The cops were polite and professional. They asked me if Trump’s conduct was against my will. I said hell no, I just wanted to take some photos of my penis while he held me. They then wanted to know if I had photos of my penis on my phone. Hello? Like who doesn’t. I have over 700 photos just of my penis. But they’re very artistic. Mood lighting, soft focus. Lots of profile shots of my erect, throbbing member. They asked to see the photos and of course I was more than happy to show the cute young female detective. She seemed very interested in the photos. Especially the ones where my son is in them.

Weiner was then charged with child endangerment and taken to a holding cell.

I asked the cute young female detective where we were going and when she said, “behind bars” I got excited. Oh boy that’s always been one of my fantasies. And since she wasn’t holding me to closely I would be able to take it out and photograph my penis. But then once I was put in the cell she started to leave and I lost my erection.  “What about Trump?” I asked her. Was she going to get him for a threesome? If not was she going to arrest him? I mean his behavior has shaken me to my core like nothing has before! He’s a true sexual predator and pervert. Imagine not letting someone take a photo of their penis!

Weiner’s estranged wife, Huma Abedin, while refusing to post bail for her husband, placed the blame squarely on Donald Trump’s shoulders.

“Trump is a sexual predator. It’s all part of the Republican war on women. Or something. What sort of man doesn’t allow another man to take a photo of his penis while groping him?”

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2 Comments

2 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    Infidel, I laughed. Out loud.

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