Browsing the blog archives for November, 2016
On Monday the campus of Ohio State was shaken when a student, for reasons we may never know, ran his car into students before being shot by a white man. “We are all shocked and saddened by this” said an official at Ohio State. We have absolutely no idea what his motives could be. But […]
Every year in the weeks leading up to Halloween local resident William Fletcher can be seen in his studio, hunched over a bunch of pumpkins, furiously carving away. “I’m an artist and this is my art” he will tell anyone that listens. Every year I carve thousands of pumpkins into all shapes, sizes and designs. I’m […]
Fidel Castro, widely hailed as “The greatest world leader since Winston Churchill” and “Cuba’s Bernie Sanders” has died. When news of Fidel’s compassionate redistribution of his life reached the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ I immediately had one reaction: He has to redistribute his life on a weekend? Dammit do you know how much blow […]
With millions preparing to travel for the Thanksgiving holiday, many will find themselves inconvenienced by the growing militancy of #Turkeylivesmatter. “I started my commute a few days earlier” said one man who was travelling by car. I wanted to beat the Wednesday evening rush so I left home on Tuesday. I had only gone a […]
As is normal before their weekly meetings, Edith Keeler makes sure that there is plenty of coffee available. Her support group co-founder, Sarah Connor, is in charge of buying donuts. The two women previously had nothing in common before they found out that they were both targeted for death. “I don’t have to tell you that […]
In a daring operation not seen since the Berlin Airlift, New York City has begun airdropping Mexicans trapped behind the lines in Red State America into the open arms of their sanctuary city. “New York City is a progressive city” said mayor Warren Wilhelm Jr. (stage name Bill de Blasio.) We reject the results of the last […]
For years Charlie the Tuna hoped he would be selected by Star-Kist Tuna. But the call never came. “They always rejected me. Said I wasn’t fresh enough” said Charlie. Rejected by Star-Kist Charlie resigned himself to a life in the sea, knowing he’d never be able to see the exotic land above the water. Then […]
Aging, decrepit, former Hollywood superstar Robert DeNiro was quoted as saying that the election of Donald Trump has him depressed. It’s a lingering depression that he hasn’t felt since 9/11. “How am I doing? Very depressed” he told a reporter. Well, he thought it was a reporter but the easily confused former actor mistook one […]
Reeling from the loss of the love of his life, social worker Edith Keeler, Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise has reluctantly entered the dating scene again. “It’s been tough the past few weeks” said Kirk. I really thought Edith and I (pictured here) would spend the rest of our lives together. She […]
I am often asked if I could turn over the pages of Manhattan Infidel to guest bloggers. My response is always the same: I have three readers. Pay me and knock yourself out. And so today I have the pleasure of handing over Manhattan Infidel to the Portland, Oregon Chamber of Commerce. Take it away! […]