Idiot Says Something Stupid!

I get confused easily and sometimes forget where I am

I get confused easily and sometimes forget where I am

Aging, decrepit, former Hollywood superstar Robert DeNiro was quoted as saying that the election of Donald Trump has him depressed. It’s a lingering depression that he hasn’t felt since 9/11.

“How am I doing? Very depressed” he told a reporter.  Well, he thought it was a reporter but the easily confused former actor mistook one of his six maids for a reporter.

Things are not going well in the United States. Things aren’t being done right. Our economy is in shambles because angry white men aren’t buying products. Our constitution is being ignored by angry white men without college degrees. Donald Trump is not my president.

The aging, incontinent actor then took a break from mistaking one of his maids for a reporter to spend 45 minutes on the toilet in a failed attempt to move his bowels.

I drink a lot more wine than I used to. It’s supposed to help me move my bowels. I drink pomegranate juice as well.  Laxatives, you name it. I’ve done them all. But still my bowels won’t move. Why the hell am I wearing diapers if I can’t go?

He then continued talking to his maid.

The results of election night brought back nightmares from 9/11. When it was announced that Trump was elected I once again saw the twin towers collapsing. I once again saw people jumping to their death rather than burn. I once again felt the horror of America attacked. I once again spent an hour on the toilet watching my penis slowly dribble out urine while I could not move my bowels.

After his nurse cleaned his diapers and wiped the drool off the side of his face, the over-the-hill, septuagenarian with compromised physical and mental capabilities continued his rant against the President-elect.

What is the electoral college for anyway? Why do we have it?  I mean someone once gave me a copy of the Federalist papers. It’s in a stack of books I have in my bathroom. I spend a lot of time in my bathroom now. Nothing ever happens. I sit and I sit but I never shit. My doctor thinks there may be a blockage of some sort. Like Donald Trump is blocking our Constitution.

The actor who is rarely seen in public and is easily confused by unfamiliar surroundings then dropped his pants.

Why can’t I go? Why can’t I go? I’m one of the elite. Give me a stool softener. Maybe that’ll make everything flow out, like the way Donald Trump is softening the Constitution to establish his alt-right dictatorship. I bet it was Donald Trump who brought down the towers on 9/11. Just like the alt-right to blame the Muslims who are the true religion of peace.

After finishing his rant comparing the election of Donald Trump to 9/11 the aging actor, his mind fading, was led by the hand to his bed where he was tucked in by his nurse. A bed pan lay on the nightstand in case DeNiro needed to use it.

“I’m sorry about this” said his nurse.  “He gets on rants sometimes. His mind isn’t clear about a lot of things nowadays.”

As I left his place I could hear DeNiro yelling from his bedroom.

“Where the hell is my bedpan. I feel a bowel movement coming on. Dammit!  Nothing!”



2 Responses

  1. Bob Agard says:

    The fact that I found this funny has nothing to do with my own life.

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