#turkeylivesmatter

With millions preparing to travel for the Thanksgiving holiday, many will find themselves inconvenienced by the growing militancy of #Turkeylivesmatter.

“I started my commute a few days earlier” said one man who was travelling by car.

I wanted to beat the Wednesday evening rush so I left home on Tuesday. I had only gone a few miles when I came upon my first group of turkeys.  They had blocked the highway. Some were jumping up on cars and shitting on the windows. I’m pretty sure I saw a few carrying knives. I made the mistake of getting out of my car so i could see if there was a way around them. It was then that they surrounded me and started pecking at my genitals. I barely made it back to the car intact. I was frightened. My wife and children were crying. I got nothing against turkeys man but they are delicious.

Commuters on the Metro North line going from Manhattan to Poughkeepsie found themselves in the middle of a turkey riot.

“The train stopped just before Beacon and the conductor would not say why” said a commuter.

But we started to notice turkeys massing next to the train. Then the conductor came on and said, “I can’t hold them off any longer. God help us all!” Then a window was smashed and turkeys started coming into the car. One jumped onto my lap and got right into my face.

Hey whitey screw you and your privilege!

“Gobble gobble. Gonna eat me white man?” he kept saying.  That and “Hey, ho, human privilege has got to go.” Fortunately turkeys have long necks. So I grabbed him by it, broke the neck and put him in my backpack. Gonna cook him on Thanksgiving. Free turkey! I love it!

New York’s JFK Airport was placed in lockdown due to thousands of malevolent turkeys who ran onto runways and entered terminals.

“It was chaos. Sheer chaos. I haven’t seen such panic and misery since Madonna threatened to give us all blow jobs” said a security officer at JFK.

People were screaming, hiding under chairs. Families became separated in the fog of turkey war. The turkeys were carrying signs that said #Turkeylivesmatter and “Down with Human privilege.” One came right up to me and attacked me.

I reject you and your human privilege!

Have you ever looked into the eyes of a turkey? Dead, soulless eyes. Kind of like my mother-in-laws.

With highways, trains and airports shutdown because of turkey rioting it seems millions will not be able to get home for the holiday.

Outgoing President Barack Obama has appealed for calm while also expressing sympathy for the turkeys.

America is a rich, diverse nation with many competing and viable traditions. While Thanksgiving is one of those traditions we must respect those who do not celebrate this holiday. Such a people are the turkeys. Turkeys have long been oppressed by white America. Is it any wonder they are fighting back. We must respect them and bring them into the mainstream if America is to be a truly inclusive nation.

The President then ended on a joke.

“We have tentative steps in this direction. After all, haven’t we elected a turkey as president?”

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