I love school!

Local resident Charlie Brown shocked the town today by announcing that he has married his teacher.

“From the first moment she said “wa wa wa” to me I was in love” said the smitten ten-year old.

It’s like we had our own private language. No one has ever understood me like her. She asked me to stay after class one day to clamp her erasers and the electricity between us could not be denied.

The two were cautious at first, knowing that many in the town would disapprove of their love and resorted to meeting in secret.

We used to go to my home because for some reason my parents were never home. We’d go to my room, read poetry, talk about our feelings and then one day it became physical. We both wanted it. I was hesitant at first because my testicles haven’t fully descended but she gently said “Don’t worry. My touch will make you a man.”

Once the relationship became physical they wore out each other.

We would have sex five, six times a day. I’m the luckiest boy in school!  I get good grades, I’m in love with my teacher and she lets me touch her boobies.

As for Charlie Brown’s teacher, she says she was drawn to how mature and artistic he was for his age.

He wrote me this poem called “Why does Lucy never let me kick the ball”  It went like this:

I saw the best minds of my generation

Destroyed by Lucy and her football

Lucy pulled the ball away again 

and I landed on my spine

I should kill the bitch

I’ve never read anything like this. It was like a cross between Ezra Pound and Allen Ginsberg. I saw it as the Howl of Charlie’s generation.

Wishing to make their relationship official the couple were married in the Church of the Great Pumpkin by Charlie’s close friend, Linus.

“It had everything I always imagined a wedding would have” said Charlie.

We had liturgical dance, puppets and a jazz rock classical fusion piece courtesy of Schroeder. Even Peppermint Patty was there. I was worried she wouldn’t show up since she was in love with my teacher as well. We got married in a forward thinking church with a forward thinking minister presiding over a forward thinking liturgy.

The two went to a Burger King for their reception before crossing the state line.

Technically what we are doing is a felony. But I don’t care. I love my teacher. And her boobies. I will be with her forever, or until I turn 13 and go to middle school, whichever comes first.

The school district that Charlie Brown went to and met his wife has issued the following statement:

While we discourage our teachers from sleeping with their students whenever possible we also recognize that times are changing. Love is love. We wish Charlie Brown and his teacher nothing but happiness.

As Charlie Brown left his friends to cross the state line he couldn’t contain his enthusiasm for the future.

“She says she can’t wait until I get hair on my pubes and she can teach me freaky stuff. I think she means trigonometry.”

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