Browsing the blog archives for January, 2016
It has been confirmed that popular mascot Toucan Sam has had reconstructive surgery to repair the nose that he lost after being diagnosed with Syphilis. Rumors first surfaced about Toucan’s medical condition months ago when the usually sociable Toucan disappeared behind the walls of his mansion. “Senor Toucan, his nose fall off” his maid Rosalita told […]
For the last time His Holiness Lord Obama addressed his subjects in the annual State of the Empire Speech. As a service to my readers I now present the speech in its entirety. I know. I’m sorry too. Please forgive me. Mr. Speaker, Mr. Vice President, Members of Congress, my fellow Americans (except for the […]
Newly arrived resident of Heaven, David Bowie has teamed up with Bing Crosby for a series of pranks and parties that have terrorized the other residents. “It’s been hell here since he (Bowie) showed up” said one. Well not literally hell. More like Washington Heights in Manhattan, what with the loud music and constant noise. […]
Tricks, the silly rabbit obsessed with Trix cereal has passed away, a victim of his lifelong addiction. “We knew this day was going to come” said a longtime friend. As much as we dreaded it, it’s a relief in many ways. At least he is free now. Free of his dreaded addiction to that damn cereal. […]
Spam! We all love it. We all need it. We all want more of it. It’s a natural part of life we shouldn’t be embarrassed to talk about. So in the spirit of giving (’tis still the season) I now present the semi-annual visit to the Spam Factory. Visit to the Spam Factory void where prohibited […]
Failed man and professional dress wearer, Jaden Smith, so-called “son” of Will Smith, has been named the face of the new Louis Vuitton’s women’s clothes campaign. “It’s true” said Vuitton’s creative director. Jaden is the new face of our clothing line. I salute Jaden’s courage in dressing as a woman and I believe that his […]
In the wonderful condescension of God’s plan, his Son the Obama came down to Earth to lead an ungrateful nation. Without losing his godhead he became fully human. He thinks with a human mind and feels with a human soul. Today he showed his human side by weeping over gun violence. But did you know […]
Jar Jar Blinks, newly appointed Finance Minister for the Galactic Empire announced today that they will be moving off the gold standard and adopting a fiat currency. “This is the right thing to do” said Blinks. Emperor Palpatine concurs. For too long we have been on the gold standard, and frankly, with the wars we […]
With the Iowa caucuses weeks away already we have suffered the first casualty of the political season. George Pataki (yes apparently he is a real person. I looked it up on Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Pataki ) has ended his dark horse run for the Presidency. As the news filtered into the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ I sprang […]
So apparently New York is a prudish town. Being naked in public is still a crime. Not wanting to go to jail I was forced to flee. I am now on the run. A fugitive looking for the one-armed man who stole my pants. Anyway, enjoy this post from September 3rd, 2009. World’s Oldest […]