A photo of the two taken before they set out on the town to terrorize Heaven

Newly arrived resident of Heaven, David Bowie has teamed up with Bing Crosby for a series of pranks and parties that have terrorized the other residents.

“It’s been hell here since he (Bowie) showed up” said one.

Well not literally hell. More like Washington Heights in Manhattan, what with the loud music and constant noise.  This used to be nice neighborhood. If this keeps up I might move to Valhalla.  That has to be quieter than here.

“Crosby was bad enough alone” said another.

He was always leaving bags of flaming poop on Bob Hope’s doorstep and then running away. And when he wasn’t doing that he was telling his kid Gary that he sucked and no one liked him. Sometimes he would steal Frank Sinatra’s toupee and replace it with Peter Lawford.  The entire Peter Lawford.  Poor Sinatra had no choice but to wear him.

But together the two are insufferable.

“Bing said he’s been waiting for Bowie to show up” said God.

Now all they do it go around singing “Little Drummer Boy.”  I mean we all hate that song. Can’t they do a duet of White Christmas or something? I may have to institute a no-duet policy. It’s bad enough with Nat King Cole and Natalie Cole are singing duets all over the place. We tolerated it because it was just them. But if this dueting keeps up I don’t know what to do. I might move to Valhalla as well. Hey, I’m God. I can do anything I want. Well almost anything. It took me years to get CSI: Miami cancelled.

Attempts to get the two to stop dueting have been unsuccessful.

Whenever I mention that perhaps they shouldn’t sing that song Bing gets all offended and says, “What? This pretty little thing” and then they continue to sing  It only emboldens them.

An emergency meeting of the Heaven Homeowners Association was called to address the situation.

“We’re all pretty charitable up here in Heaven” said St. Francis.

But we took a vote and we all agreed that if they didn’t stop singing we would kick their respective asses. Then we had St. Dominic deliver the ultimatum. He came back with a black eye and wearing Frank Sinatra’s toupee.

As the two continued dueting bus stations throughout Heaven have been filled with people buying tickets to Valhalla.

“Everyone’s trying to leave” said St. John Paul II. “This place sucks now.”

The one resident who isn’t leaving?  Frank Sinatra.

“I ain’t going anywhere until whoever took my damn toupee returns it!”

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