Me and Richard Kimble: Both misunderstood. Both on the run

So apparently New York is a prudish town. Being naked in public is still a crime.  Not wanting to go to jail I was forced to flee. I am now on the run.  A fugitive looking for the one-armed man who stole my pants.

Anyway, enjoy this post from September 3rd, 2009.

World’s Oldest Dog Dies; Sarah Jessica Parker to Play her in TV Movie!

The world’s oldest dog, a victim of the Republican party’s war on women!

Chanel, a wire-haired dachshund who at 21 years of age was credited as the oldest dog in the world has passed away.  She died quietly at her human companion’s home in Long Island surrounded by loved ones and one very happy cat.

Recently Chanel had become depressed as old age cruelly stripped her of her dignity.

“Chanel would look up at me with those soulful eyes and I knew she was suffering.  Drugs would have helped her in her final days but my insurance doesn’t cover pets” declared her grief-stricken human companion.

“But there is a special bond between an animal and a human companion.  When she would put her paw in my hand I knew what she was saying.  She was saying ‘Please help the Democrats pass health care reform.  Don’t let the Republicans let me die.’ ”

The story of Chanel has touched heartstrings across the nation.  Hallmark has picked up the story and plans to run a TV movie about her in the Spring.

“This is just the warmhearted story that appeals to our viewers” said Hallmark President and Chief Executive Officer William J. Abbott.

The movie will follow her from a puppy to her later years and show the unconditional love she gave to her human companions.  In a casting coup, Sarah Jessica Parker has signed on to play Chanel.

“We chose Sarah because she is one of the world’s most famous actresses.  Also, since our budget is low we will be saving on makeup costs  with Sarah playing Chanel” said Abbott.  “We auditioned other actresses but none said ‘dog’ quite like Parker.”

“We are looking forward to the movie” said Abbott.  “It’ll be a historically accurate documentation of Chanel’s 21 years.”

The movie is scheduled to begin filming sometime after the New Year.

In more bold casting moves, Danny Devito will play Chanel as a puppy who escapes from an abusive Republican master. Josh Brolin has been signed on to play George W. Bush, who orders Chanel’s death in order to satisfy his own insatiable blood lust.

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