The son of god cries
In the wonderful condescension of God’s plan, his Son the Obama came down to Earth to lead an ungrateful nation. Without losing his godhead he became fully human. He thinks with a human mind and feels with a human soul. Today he showed his human side by weeping over gun violence.
But did you know that His Holiness Barack Hussein Obama is not the first president to cry? In fact all have. Using the best research tools available to a member of the MSM I made it up I have compiled a list of what made all our presidents cry.
George Washington. What made him cry? Dentures
My dentures are driving me crazy!
John Adams. What made him cry? Male pattern baldness
How did William Shatner ever do it?
Thomas Jefferson. What made him cry? Black slaves who won’t put out.
Come on baby…..just do it for me!
James Madison. What made him cry? The British burning his house down.
‘effin British!
James Monroe. What made him cry? Who knows. Who cares. Monroe was a loser.
Hi. I’m James Monroe. Will you be my friend?
John Quincy Adams. What made him cry? His look won’t be considered cool for 150 years.
You know honey one day women will dig this look
Andrew Jackson. What made him cry? Running out of people to kill in a duel.
Oh come on! You mean there’s nobody I can kill?
Martin Van Buren. What made him cry? Looking too much like the Creature from the Black Lagoon
Egads. Do I really look like this?
William Henry Harrison. What made him cry? Pneumonia.
This is just a cold, right?
John Tyler. What made him cry? Texas.
Damn Texans
James Knox Polk. What made him cry? His barber gave him a mullet.
What the hell? I have a mullet!
Zachary Taylor. What made him cry? Eating strawberries in summertime.
Mm. Love these cherries!
Millard Fillmore. What made him cry? Upstate New York.
Have you ever been to upstate New York? ‘Nuff said.
Franklin Pierce. What made him cry? Sobriety
What time is happy hour?
James Buchanan. What made him cry? Southerners. I mean couldn’t they at least wait until I was out of office to secede?
‘effin southerners!
Abraham Lincoln. What made him cry? The theater. And his wife.
I can’t go to the theater with my wife! I’ll die!
Andrew Johnson. What made him cry? Sobriety.
Let me reach into my coat and take out my flask
Ulysses S. Grant. What made him cry? Are you joking? Sobriety. Sobriety. Sobriety.
I have many flasks in my coat
Rutherford B. Hayes. What made him cry? Food stuck in beard.
What’s that stuck in my beard?
James Garfield. What made him cry? Waiting in agony for four months to die of his gunshot wounds.
All in all being shot sucks
Chester A. Arthur. What made him cry? The inability to grow hair on his chin.
I needs a chin hair toupee
Grover Cleveland. What made him cry? Losing to Benjamin Harrison.
‘effin Benjamin Harrison
Benjamin Harrison. What made him cry? Benjamin Harrison never cried. He had no emotions and may have been a Vulcan.
I am a Vulcan
Grover Cleveland. What made him cry? Beating Benjamin Harrison
‘effin Benjamin Harrison
William McKinley. What made him cry? Buffalo, New York.
Buffalo New York really sucks
Theodore Roosevelt. What made him cry? His gay vibe.
I am not gay!
William Howard Taft. What made him cry? Theodore Roosevelt. And getting stuck in the White House bathtub.
I am not fat! I’m big boned!
Woodrow Wilson. What made him cry? Blacks demanding civil rights. I mean how dare they!
Can’t these blacks learn their place?
Warren G. Harding. What made him cry? Teapots.
As long as I don’t die in office I’ll be okay
Calvin Coolidge. What made him cry? Unions.
Being from New England i am filled with joy. Except for Unions. I bust them.
Herbert Hoover. What made him cry? Wall Street.
We could use a man like Herbert Hoover again/didn’t need no welfare state
Franklin D. Roosevelt. What made him cry? Eleanor’s hot lesbian lovers. I mean they wouldn’t put out for him.
I should have the hot young lovers, not Eleanor!
Harry Truman. What made him cry? Douglas MacArthur.
All generals should be shot!
Dwight Eisenhower. What made him cry? Richard Nixon.
‘Effin Richard Nixon!
John Kennedy. What made him cry? Dallas, Texas.
A quick trip to Dallas and then it’s back to the women in DC!
Lyndon Johnson. What made him cry? Robert Kennedy.
Robert Kennedy is a bully!
Richard Nixon. What made him cry? John Kennedy.
What did Kennedy have that I didn’t?
Gerald Ford. What made him cry? Falling while exiting Air Force One.
Whoops!
Jimmy Carter. What makes him cry? Malaise.
I feel a malaise coming on!
Ronald Reagan. What made him cry? His son Ron.
I mean I love my son Ron, but……
George Herbert Walker Bush. What made him cry? His son George.
I mean I love my son George, but……..
Bill Clinton. What made him cry? Not having enough time to penetrate all the women he wanted to.
Too many woman, not enough time!
George Bush. What made him cry? His father George.
I mean I love my father, but…….
Barack Hussein Obama. What made him cry? Frequent beatings from Michelle. And gun violence caused by Republicans.
Michelle beats me every night! And Republican gun violence! Am i right!
And there you have it. Proof that the God Obama wasn’t the first president to cry.
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Vote for Hillary since bi-i-i-g girls they don’t
cry-yi-yi, they don’t cry.
What makes Hillary cry? Sobriety?
I’m not trying to be critical, but are you sure that Obama is God’s “Son”?
I believe Obama self-identifies as such.