Hello I’m George Pataki. Yes. Pataki. P-A-T-A-K-I

With the Iowa caucuses weeks away already we have suffered the first casualty of the political season.  George Pataki (yes apparently he is a real person.  I looked it up on Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Pataki ) has ended his dark horse run for the Presidency.

As the news filtered into the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ I sprang into action:  How would his withdrawal affect the race?  Who would get his one loyal voter?  And most importantly who the hell is George Pataki?  I mean he has that Wikipedia entry but they get hacked all the time. There was only one way to find out.  I put the word out among my MSM friends that I wanted this so-called Pataki to call me. Once the word was out I waited.

At noon the next day the phone rang.

MI: Hello.  Manhattan Infidel speaking.

GP: Manhattan Infidel it’s George Pataki.

[Silence]

GP: I said it’s George Pataki.

MI: Pataki?

GP: Yes, Pataki.  P-A-T-A-K-I.  I was running for President.

MI: Of the US?

GP: Yes.  You told me to call.

MI: Hold on. Just a sec. Let me check my calendar.  Pataki?

GP: Yes. George Pataki.

MI: Is this about my dental appointment?

GP: No. I’m George Pataki.

MI:  Oh, you’re with the cleaning service.  Yes I am available on Friday.  Come up to my place.

GP: No, no.  I said this is George Pataki.  I’d just like to say that while this is the end of my journey for the White House as I suspend my campaign for President, I am confident we can elect the right person!

MI: Suspend?  Suspend what?  Is this the parking garage? Look my check’s cleared. Do not move my car!

GP: [Sigh] No it’s George Pataki.

MI: Is this about the pizza?  Good I ordered two large plain pies, one with extra cheese.  Don’t get it wrong like last time.

GP:  [Sigh]  Okay. That was two large plain pies, one with extra cheese. Is there anything else?

MI:  Does that come with a liter of Pepsi?

GP:  No. Yeah, I mean I guess.

MI: Does it come with a liter of Pepsi?  Yes or no, boy?

GP:  Yes.

MI:  Good.  What’s the delivery time?

GP:  Thirty minutes?

MI:  Good.  Goodbye.

I’ll continue to wait by the phone to see if this so-called George Pataki calls.  In the meantime I have some delicious pizza arriving soon.

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