Browsing the blog archives for November, 2015
Here at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ I hope everyone had a safe and happy Thanksgiving. I spent the holiday in my traditional fashion: Dinner at McDonalds followed by three days in bed staring at the ceiling hoping for death. But it’s time to get back to work so I now present the latest […]
It is that time of year again gentle readers where Americans gather together to give thanks for their many benefits. No wait, that’s the line at the welfare office. But since I know many would like to live the Manhattan Infidel lifestyle™ I will tell you how to enjoy a safe,meat-free, capitalist-free, imperialist war-mongering free, […]
Ralph Kramden, and employee of the Gotham Bus Company, has been fired from his job after a string of violent domestic abuse incidents at his apartment. “I often heard the two arguing” said upstairs neighbor Ed Norton. I mean I’m Ralph’s best friend and I didn’t want to get him in trouble. But you can only turn a […]
The Michelin Man was ordered today to stop drinking, put on some pants and stay away from children after a recent string of embarrassing incidents. He has also been relieved of all duties as a spokesman for the Michelin tire company. “He was starting to be a problem and was affecting the bottom line” said […]
Optimus Prime has announced that after a lifetime of being “trapped” in his male transformer body he is fully transitioning into a female transformer. “It is true” said Optimus in a prepared statement. For years I felt different than the other Autobots. I had a sense that my body was not what it was supposed […]
Ending weeks of tabloid speculation, Charlie Sheen announced he has contracted HIV. “It’s true” Sheen told Matt Lauer during a sit-down on the Today Show. I have to put a stop to this onslaught, this barrage of attacks and harmful stories about me threatening the health of so many others. I’ve known I’ve been HIV […]
On the heels of the resignation of the President and Chancellor of the University of Missouri, and protests at colleges elsewhere, one man came home to find his pre-teen daughter demanding he resign. “Daddy’s household is white. He’s not inclusive” she said. “Naturally I was surprised” said the father. I consider myself an enlightened liberal. I […]
To Secretary of State John Kerry: Like everyone else around the world I watched the terror attacks in Paris unfold on Friday with a sense of shock, dread and anticipation. Shock at the horror that was unfolding. Dread at the loss of life. Anticipation knowing that my phone would soon be ringing and you would once […]
The news started coming in from Paris late Friday afternoon: A series of coordinated attacks in the city that had killed over 120 people. While the MSM was cautious as to the motives and the attackers, we at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ did not share their caution. For there can be only one […]
James Bond, Commander in the Royal Navy currently working for MI6 has received a negative performance evaluation from MI6’s Human Resources division, threatening to end his once promising career. “No one was more surprised than I was” said Bond after the evaluation. This came out of nowhere. Though in retrospect I should have suspected something when […]