Ableism must go! White privilege must go! Give us our free stuff!
On the heels of the resignation of the President and Chancellor of the University of Missouri, and protests at colleges elsewhere, one man came home to find his pre-teen daughter demanding he resign.
“Daddy’s household is white. He’s not inclusive” she said.
“Naturally I was surprised” said the father.
I consider myself an enlightened liberal. I was born in the ’60s. But my daughter’s demand that I resign has opened my eyes. I see now that my lifestyle, a house, a six-figure salary, two cars in the garage was a symptom of my racial sickness. So I am going to resign, take a step back and examine my life. I hope this leads to racial healing across America.
The timeline that lead to his resignation is as follows:
- August 9, 2o14
Gentle giant Michael Brown is fatally shot in Ferguson Missouri. The white man who resigned failed to address the issue. Instead he watches a baseball game on TV and has a few beers.
- December 13, 2014
To show solidarity with the assassination of Michael Brown, the man’s daughter blocks his driveway while holding a sign that said, “Hands up!” He is forced to park his car elsewhere.
- September 12, 2015
His daughter publishes a facebook post about her humiliation about her experience being called the “D” word by her father. “Being called a daughter, with its sexist implication is much like being called the “N” word.” she says. “I really just want to know why my simple existence is such a threat to society. For those of you who wonder why I’m always talking about the importance of inclusion and respect, it’s because I’ve experienced moments like this multiple times at daddy’s house, making me not feel included here.”
- September 16th
Four days after the incident the father issues a response: “I have heard from my daughter that she has experienced incidents of bias and discrimination in our home.” he said. “Let me just say that discrimination because of age or gender will not be tolerated. Okay so I sent her to bed without her supper but she was acting up. Come on!”
- September 24th
About 10 of the daughter’s friends gather in the driveway calling for action from the father and chant “racism lives here” and “father-daughter relationships are based on power and inequality.”
- October 1st
The daughter calls for concrete action: “I want to see a hate crime policy initiated. I want my daddy to formally make an announcement that we do have a racial problem here in our home and that he are seeking to make sure it gets addressed properly. And I want to go to bed later.”
- October 8th
The daughter complains that drunken slurs were shouted at her. Later that day, the father condemned the incident: “I was drunk and I called my daughter “My princess.” I now realize such language exemplifies an outdated gender construct.”
- October 24th
The daughter’s Dora the Explorer doll is discovered face down covered in feces. She deems it an “act of hate” and demands an explanation. When the father shows her footage of the dog defecating on Dora she says the video is doctored to remove his responsibility for the incident.
- November 2nd
The daughter starts a hunger strike to protest “a slew of racist, sexist, daughterphobic incidents that have dynamically disrupted my life here at home. During this hunger strike, I will not consume any food or nutritional sustenance at the expense of my health until either my dad is removed from being my father or my internal organs fail and my life is lost. Or until my bedtime is later.”
- November 3rd
The man’s wife voted no confidence in the father and says that she doubts he “recognizes his ablelism, manism, sexism and racism.”
- November 7th
The daughter announced that the father will no longer be invited to play tea with her. “I will no longer participate in any tea-related activities until daddy resigns or is removed due to his negligence towards my marginalized daughter experience.”
- November 8th
The father issues a statement saying, “I am dedicated to ongoing dialogue to address these very complex, societal issues as they affect our home.”
- November 10th
Under increased pressure the father resigns. “F*ck it. I’ll move into the Motel 8 and hire a hooker. One that will do things my wife won’t.”
- November 15th
The father issues a statement saying he “should have moved out earlier. Things are great here. And no wife or daughter to nag me.”
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In an act of solidarity with daughters (females with fathers) everywhere the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is banning Wayne Newton’s “Daddy don’t you walk so fast.”
Fatherism is racism!
May we no longer ask our bitches “Who’s yo daddy/”
Bitchism is powerism.