Browsing the blog archives for January, 2010
After weeks of confusion and ridicule, NBC has announced that it has finalized its late night and 10:00 P.M. time slots. Starting after the Winter Olympics, Jack Paar will host the Tonight Show. Paar, who hosted the Tonight Show from 1957-1962 expressed surprise and joy to be back at his old job. “When NBC called […]
A Toyota Prius packed with explosives driven by an apparent suicide bomber exploded in a crowded market today, killing 32 and more importantly doing extensive damage to a nearby tree. The explosion occurred during the early afternoon as office workers enjoyed their lunches. Witnesses say that a lovely, environmentally friendly Toyota Prius was driven into […]
Senator Harry Reid (D-Nevada) continues to fight for his political life after the eruption of a firestorm resulting from his controversial comments regarding C-3PO, and by extension, Droids in general. In the new book, “Game Change” by John Heilemann and Mark Halperin, Reid is quoted as saying that C-3PO was his favorite Droid because he […]
“Sure I love screaming death to the infidel and stoning adulteresses” says Tariq, 22. “But at the end of the day I really want someone I can share my feelings with.” Tariq is not alone in his desire. With this in mind, eHarmony-Jihad, an offshoot of the popular dating service has begun. “eHarmony-Jihad is unique […]
The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland has inducted Jeremy Gelbwaks, best known as the original drummer for the Partridge Family before his controversial firing and replacement by Brian Forster. When making the announcement the Hall of Fame said that Gelbwaks was “an example of the original values of the Partridge Family – […]
After an exhaustive study of the last 200 years of pop culture the 1980s have officially been named the most masturbatory decade in the history of civilization. “There were many reasons to masturbate in the 1980s” according to Nigel St. Crumpett, editor of Hairy Palms magazine. “We had the usual reasons such as Cindy Crawford […]
The trial of the century involving Bedrock citizen Fred Flintstone reached a stunning conclusion today. After less than four hours of deliberation the jury found Flintstone not guilty of the murders of Barney and Betty Rubble and the attempted murder of ex-wife Wilma Flintstone. The six-month trial, which polarized Bedrock along racial lines ended as […]
Under increasing criticism for her department’s utter failure to stop the underwear bomber, Janet Napolitano has announced her resignation as Secretary of Homeland Security. She will be replaced by the Klingon Worf, most recently Security Chief of the Starship Enterprise and Deep Space 9. “I have taken this position because you dishonorable humans are afraid […]
From the recently completed climate summit in Copenhagen came word that a consensus has been reached: In order to save Mother Earth, dogs must go. “The carbon footprint of the average dog is morally unsustainable” says a leading environmentalist. With the footprint of a dog estimated to be 2.07 acres, the planet is in dire […]