NBC Finalizes Late Night Lineup

Jack Paar, the new face of NBC’s late night lineupAfter weeks of confusion and ridicule, NBC has announced that it has finalized its late night and 10:00 P.M. time slots.  Starting after the Winter Olympics, Jack Paar will host the Tonight Show.  Paar, who hosted the Tonight Show from 1957-1962 expressed surprise and joy to be back at his old job.

“When NBC called me and said they want me to host the Tonight Show I was thrilled.  I loved hosting the show back in the ’50s and am looking forward to the opportunity to host it again.  I was also surprised since I’ve been dead since 2004” said Paar.

In their statement announcing the change, NBC said that Paar being dead was not be an obstacle to his hosting the show.

“The fact that Paar is deceased didn’t factor into the equation. We’re comfortable with the dead.  Have you seen our prime time lineup?  ‘Nuff said.”

Paar said he cannot wait to get back to work and is looking forward to bringing “intelligent, adult banter” back to late night television and that, while the format is still being tinkered with, he will have a series of regulars on his show including Charlie Weaver, Hans Conried and Peggy Cass.

“Paar is hip, he’s edgy and takes chances.  America will be talking about him at work the next day after he unleashes a few water closet  jokes” said NBC.  “We couldn’t be prouder to have him back.  He was our first choice.  Well, after Johnny Carson of course.”

Jimmy Fallon will remain at his 12:35 slot since he appeals to the all important demographic of  people watching television at 1:00 in the morning on a weeknight – those without jobs or significant others who download porn while drinking beer and watching Late Night.

NBC’s second challenge was finding a replacement for Leno at 10:00.

“We here at NBC pride ourselves on keeping our finger on the pulse of middle America.  And we’ve decided that what middle America wants is Hugo Chavez.”

Accordingly NBC will be airing a reality show at 10:00 called “Fun Time with Hugo.”

Chavez will be placed in a house with guests such as Kathy Griffin, Survivor winner Richard Hatch, Kate Gosselin, Balloon Boy, Ted Williams’ head, Miss America 1962 Maria Fletcher and Levi Johnston.

“It’s going to be a wacky show with a wacky premise.  Hugo will have to compete with these people for prizes while at the same time fending off Kathy Griffin’s F-bombs and trying to nationalize his country’s oil wells.  We think the show will be a huge ratings success.”

As for Leno, he has been offered the role of neighbor Harry Bentley in the ScyFy channel’s reimage of the Jeffersons.


2 Responses

  1. Matt says:

    Well, Hugo does fit NBC’s audience.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    That is does.

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