Browsing the blog archives for December, 2009
To fight the scourge of man-made global warming, several countries have announced that New Year’s celebrations will have low carbon footprint, environmentally friendly themes. Nowhere is this more evident that in perhaps the most famous of New Year’s Eve locations, Times Square in New York City. Normally a sea of artificial light this year all […]
The National Organization for Woman has named Hollywood bad boy Charlie Sheen their White Male of Northern European Origin of the Year. Coming off the heels of his recent arrest for menacing, second-degree assault and criminal mischief in the domestic incident with his wife this may come as a surprise. “It shouldn’t surprise anybody” says […]
Since Richard Reid tried to blow up a transatlantic flight with his shoe, millions of travelers have become accustomed to removing their shoes at security checkpoints in airports. But now, with the advent of “underwear bomber” Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, new, stricter security guidelines have been put in place. The Department of Homeland Security has announced […]
With the Senate’s passage of the Health Care Reform Bill and various stimulus packages, the U.S. National Debt is projected at 12 trillion dollars, rising to 20 trillion by 2019. Many Americans are expressing unease about this. “Is this unprecedented level of debt bad?”, “Will my taxes rise?” and “Why is CSI: Miami still on […]
From Washington today it was announced that Santa Claus, fur-wearing, white male of northern European origin will be denied access to American air space on Christmas Eve. In his weekly radio address, President Obama wished all Americans a “Happy Holiday Season and may the principles of Kwanzaa enlighten all of us.” He then went on […]
The equipment buzzed and flashed. On the table was strapped a copy of the Constitution of the United States. Grafted onto it were the Constitutions of Venezuela and Iran. Mad Scientist Dr. Nancy Pelosi and her assistant Harry “Igor” Reid danced maniacally around the table as it was lowered from the ceiling. The equipment was […]
It has been confirmed that celebrity super couple Alex Rodriguez and Kate Hudson have parted ways. “It’s true” said Yankee General Manager Brian Cashman when asked about the rumor. “Our sources have confirmed that they are no longer together. Needless to say this is a big blow to the Yankee organization. Sure we’ve already lost […]
The U.S. has fixed an embarrassing security breach that allowed Iraqi insurgents to hack into Predator drones from their laptops. “It’s definitely not a problem anymore. Definitely not” said a Pentagon official who spoke on condition of anonymity. When asked how the problem was fixed he responded, “We got rid of our Windows Vista computers […]
Tragedy struck the world today as Al Gore was attacked by polar bears and consumed in front of a shocked audience. Mr. Gore was on stage at a symposium in Copenhagen and giving a speech entitled “The Seas are Rising: Give me Money” when three polar bears burst into the room and ran straight for […]
In a bizarre press conference today, golf legend Tiger Woods made his first public appearance, acknowledging mistakes and promising that “in the future, I will avail myself of the opportunity to sleep with black woman.” Flanked by Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, Woods expressed deep shame for his actions. “I have failed. I have failed […]