AROD, Kate Hudson Break Up; Desperate Yankees Concede 2010

Kate Hudson -the woman who brought championship baseball back to New York

Kate Hudson -the woman who brought championship baseball back to New York

It has been confirmed that celebrity super couple Alex Rodriguez and Kate Hudson have parted ways.

“It’s true” said Yankee General Manager Brian Cashman when asked about the rumor.  “Our sources have confirmed that they are no longer together. Needless to say this is a big blow to the Yankee organization.  Sure we’ve already lost Matsui and  Phil Coke but Kate Hudson, more than anyone else, is responsible for the 2009 World Series Championship.”

Baseball insiders speculate that Kate has left AROD and is seeking a larger contract.

“We were prepared to offer her eight years at 25 million per year.  We thought that was a respectable offer” said Cashman.

Hudson, through her new agent Scott Boras, reportedly wanted a no cut ten-year deal with AROD worth $350 million.

“That would make her too expensive.  Even the Yankees have limited resouces” said Cashman.  “If we consented to her demands we’d have to cut costs  by laying off the ticket takers and concession workers as well as raise the price of the bleacher seats to 500 dollars a ticket.   That would just be too much of a hardship for the common fan.  And it is the common fan, not the ones in the $2,500  seats who are the heart and soul of the Yankees.  No, Seriously.  Why does everybody laugh when I say that?”

Cashman’s explanation for not signing Hudson has its skeptics.  Inside sources say it was AROD himself who balked at Hudson’s demands.  When informed of what Hudson wanted, AROD was in a nightclub in Miami.  He shrugged his shoulders and pointed at a dancer and said “Strippers good.  Hudson bad!”

Yankee Manager Joe Girardi was disconsolate.

“Looks like we won’t be winning no. 28 next year” he said as he tied a syringe around his arm.  “C’mon.  I know I have a vein somewhere!”

Meanwhile arch rivals the Boston Red Sox have signed Liv Tyler to a five-year deal to keep Josh Beckett company.

“You have to admit, this makes the Red Sox the odds on favorite to win the American League East in 2010” said new Hall of Fame inductee, sportwriter Bill Madden.

However all is not lost for the Yankees.  “If Granderson can have a 30/30 year and we can sign Minka Kelly to keep Jeter happy, we might,  just might get the wild card” explained Cashman.


1 Comment

One Response

  1. KingShamus says:

    In other news, it was revealed that the New York Mets signed Bruce Vilanch last year to lift David Wright’s sprits.

    To nobody’s surprise but the Mets, it didn’t work at all.

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