Al Gore Eaten by Polar Bears

This polar bear is being used for propaganda purposes

This polar bear is being used for propaganda purposes

Tragedy struck the world today as Al Gore was attacked by polar bears and consumed in front of a shocked audience.

Mr. Gore was on stage at a symposium in Copenhagen and giving a speech entitled “The Seas are Rising:  Give me Money” when three polar bears burst into the room and ran straight for the stage.  They pinned Gore down and while two proceeded to tear at his flesh a third stood on his hind legs at the podium, placed glasses on his nose and read the following statement:

“We, the polar bears of the world are tired of being used for propaganda purposes.  Imagine if you will you are resting on an iceberg and getting a little Sun.  Your picture is taken and suddenly you are in newspapers across the globe.  ‘Poor Polar Bear Watches Habitat Melt’ says the headline.  Your privacy is gone.  Phototographers are now always following you around and trying to snap more photos of you in your most vulnerable moments.  How would you like your photo taken when you’re mounting the Mrs?  You take away a polar bear’s dignity you are asking for trouble.  Thank you.  Now if you excuse me I have to eat a politician.

And with that the third bear stepped down from the podium and joined his colleagues in the Gorefest.  Reaction in the hall ran from confusion,  “Is it the Edgar Winter group?” to surprise,  “When the polar bear put on his glasses and started reading his statement I was shocked.  You don’t often see polar bears standing on their hind legs.”

The bears started with Mr. Gore’s torso, tearing it open with their powerful paws and using their long snouts to poke inside.  Then the legs were ripped free and consumed.

A few brave photographers tried to snap photos of the atrocity but were warned by the bears.  “Hey, what did we just tell you?  Give us our dignity back. No photos!” said one bear.

When the bears had finished eating all that was left was Gore’s head, which one bear balanced on top of him and paraded around the room saying “The center of the Earth is 6 million degrees Fahrenheit……no wait, 8 million degrees Fahrenheit.”

And as soon as it began it was over.  The bears left peacefully, one even telling reporters “You’ve been a great audience.   Hey, what does a polar bear do for fun in Copenhagen?  Where do the female bears hang out?”

President Obama, when informed of the tragedy, expressed shock and sadness.

“Michelle and I are deeply saddened by today’s events.  Have you seen my new medal?

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2 Responses

  1. That would NOT be a tragedy, but I think you for the laughs anyway.

  2. KingShamus says:

    Al Gore-the other other other red meat.

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