Carbon Friendly New Year’s Celebrations All the Rage

Times Square this New Year's eve will be eco-friendly.

Times Square this New Year’s eve will be eco-friendly.

To fight the scourge of man-made global warming, several countries have announced that New Year’s celebrations will have low carbon footprint, environmentally friendly themes.

Nowhere is this more evident that in perhaps the most famous of New Year’s Eve locations, Times Square in New York City.  Normally a sea of artificial light this year all power in Times Square will be turned off at 11:50 PM and the intersection will be plunged into total darkness.

“We feel that doing this will symbolize New York’s commitment to saving the planet.  Also, the total darkness thing might make it easier for me to cop a feel” said an organizer.

The famous ball dropped from Times Square will also be dark.  Normally the ball is dropped slowly in a controlled descent but since there is no electricity this year the ball will drop at a much faster rate of speed.

“We tested this out a few times and ended up crushing a few workers to death.  Yes, a tragedy but it’s all for the greater good.  Also, the ball might have a tendency to roll up Broadway so we ask the millions packed into the street to just get out of the way.”

In Sidney, Australia, to demontrate the danger of rising sea levels, city fathers have hired Hollywood Director James Cameron to use his special effects wizardry to stage a tsunami at midnight.

“It’s going to be spectacular.  Millions at the water’s edge will get a fantastic view of a blue curtain of water crashing down on them” said a city spokesperson.

Those attending the event are advised to bring a snorkel and fins.  But not to worry.  People who cannot swim will be directed to one of the many ushers in attendance holding “How may I assist you?” signs.

“Those who are drowning are asked to raise their hands and an usher will help you.  Those who are already drowned will be directed to an afterlife counselor.”

And it’s not just big cities getting into the act.  Poughkeepsie, New York will feature an adaptation of Arthur Miller’s Death of a Salesman called “Death of a Polar Bear.”

“We may be a small city but we are quite crazy too”  said Poughkeepsie’s Mayor,  John C. Tkazyik.

All in all, this year’s celebrations promise to be the most environmentally friendly ones since the discovery of electricity.


4 Responses

  1. KingShamus says:

    Happy New Year, Infidel.

    Hope 2010 is nothing short of magnificent for you.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Same to you King S.

  3. Hey, man. Poughkeepsie isn’t all that crazy. I can remember when WPDH was something to behold. Now it’s just, like, a top 40 station. Gawd, how I miss the old days.

    Happy New Year, Infidel!

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Ah WPDH…..I remember the good old days when they refused to play any Michael Jackson.

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