Embrace Debt!

Debt is good!

Debt is good!

With the Senate’s passage of the Health Care Reform Bill and various stimulus packages, the U.S. National Debt is projected at 12 trillion dollars, rising to 20 trillion by 2019.  Many Americans are expressing unease about this.  “Is this unprecedented level of debt bad?”, “Will my taxes rise?” and “Why is CSI: Miami still on the air?” they ask.

Fear not fellow citizens.  I have come to tell you that debt is good.   Debt pays for vital entitlement programs that redistribute ill-begotten income.  Debt can help you feel less guilty about your back-alley embrace of capitalistic ways.  And so, mon semblable,  mon frere,  I now present to you the history of debt and why it is good.

8 trillion B.C. (or is that B.C.E.):  God borrows $10,000 from the Chinese to start his new Universe. God tells worried Chinese investors that his “Universal Reform Package” will pay back the debt many times over.  It is worth noting that God has never defaulted on his debt, though he has long since written off the Universe.  “Youthful indiscretion.”  What was I thinking?”  “I was trying to impress a female God” and “If I had known the creation of the Universe would lead to CSI: Miami I wouldn’t have done it” being just some of his thoughts.

44 B.C.E:  Brutus and Cassius borrow $25,000 from the Chinese to buy daggers.  They tell the worried Chinese that the daggers “are most definitely not going to be used to assassinate Julius Caesar.” The Chinese relent, but raise the interest rate on the loan.

410 A.D. (or is that C.E?):  Germanic tribes borrow $500,000 from the Chinese.  The tribes tell the Chinese that the money is for a sight-seeing expedition and that they have no intention of sacking Rome, ushering in the Dark Ages and setting back Western Civilization one thousand years.  The Chinese relent, but ask the tribes not to invent television.

1925 C.E.: Scottish inventor John Logie Baird borrows $3,000,000 from the Chinese for his invention which demonstrates moving silhouette images, leading to the first practical television set.  Wary Chinese ask him not to invent CSI: Miami.

2008: Barack Obama campaigns for President touting his health reform package, telling the Chinese that long-term savings will make it all worthwhile.  Wary and weary, the Chinese borrow money from the European Union.

2009:  A U.S. citizen borrows $10,000 from the Chinese to start a cable company that will be dedicated to CSI: Miami.   The Chinese declare war.

So you see, debt is good!



Leave a Reply

Using Gravatars in the comments - get your own and be recognized!

XHTML: These are some of the tags you can use: <a href=""> <b> <blockquote> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>