No Sunday ticket for Iraqi insurgents

The U.S. has fixed an embarrassing security breach that allowed Iraqi insurgents to hack into Predator drones from their laptops.

“It’s definitely not a problem anymore. Definitely not” said a Pentagon official who spoke on condition of anonymity.  When asked how the problem was fixed he responded, “We got rid of our Windows Vista computers and bought Macs.  Now if we could only figure out how to log in remotely.  I mean I have the right address in Safari but it keeps telling me my security is insufficient.  I called up the Department of Defense Help Desk and they told me I had to download some patch.  It’s that damn Snow Leopard Operating System!”

Meanwhile on the Iraqi front, captured laptops have revealed tons of downloaded videos sent from drones as they advance on their target.  The insurgents had apparently bought the software program Skygrabber for $25.95 which they had installed on their laptops.

“We want all infidel forces on Muslim soil to die.  But we also want to follow our favorite NFL teams” said a captured insurgent.  “What? Does that surprise you?  Because we’re Iraqis we’re supposed to follow soccer?  Have you ever watched soccer?  It’s so damn boring.”

A study by the Defense Department has found that a surprising number of insurgents on the battlefield are forgoing soccer and now want to watch American Football.  The study also found that the favorite team of insurgents by far was the Baltimore Ravens.

“We think it’s because of Ray Lewis.  The insurgents admire his cold-blooded ruthlessness.  The fact that he was once arrested for murder doesn’t hurt either.  They consider him an honorary insurgent” said a D.O.D. official.

Their second favorite player is Mark Sanchez.  “A lot of them think Sanchez is the next Joe Namath who will lead the Jets back to glory.  We’ll have to wait and see” snickered the D.O.D official in disbelief.

A study of captured laptops also found that insurgents like Taylor Swift.  Many laptops had images of her as the background wallpaper and her music was heavily downloaded on iTunes.

“Well who doesn’t like Taylor Swift?” said the official.

In the meantime, Tariq, a captured insurgent being held for questioning, had only two questions he wanted to know:  The disposition of U.S. troops and how Michael Vick was doing with the Eagles.

“I hope he gets a second chance” said Tariq.

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