Mad Liberal Scientists Perform Experiments on Constitution

Mad liberal scientists experiment on the ConstitutionThe  equipment buzzed and flashed.  On the table was strapped a copy of the Constitution of the United States.  Grafted onto it were the Constitutions of Venezuela and Iran.

Mad Scientist Dr. Nancy Pelosi and her assistant Harry “Igor” Reid danced maniacally around the table as it was lowered from the ceiling.  The equipment was turned off.  Now for the moment of truth.  Dr. Pelosi examined the Constitution as it lie on the table.

“It’s alive!  It’s alive!  It’s alive….it’s moving.  It’s alive!  It’s alive!  It’s ALIVE!  In the name of God, now I know what it feels like to be God!” screamed Pelosi.  “I have turned the Constitution into a living, breathing document.  What was formerly dead, an 18th Century document about property rights, has been turned into a 21st Century document protecting the rights of all peoples!”

The new Constitution appeared stronger, muscular, threatening, endowed with powers that nature never intended it to have.

John Boehner and Mitch McConnell rushed into the laboratory.

 “You fool” screamed Boehner.  “You’ve created a monster and it will destroy you.

“You always play it safe with the Constitution” countered Pelosi.  “Haven’t you ever wanted to do anything that was dangerous?   Haven’t you ever wanted to look beyond the Constitution?”

“You’re crazy” said McConnell.

“Crazy, am I?  We’ll see whether I’m crazy or not.  Harry, release the Constitution.  Full power!” Pelosi laughed maniacally.

The released Constitution, flush with power and arrogant in strength attacked Reid and  Pelosi, strangling both before throwing a chair through a window and escaping.

“Follow him” yelled Boehner.  “We must find the Constitution and restore it to its original meaning.”

Boehner, McConnell and several others ran after the Constitution.  But it was too late.  Before they could recover it, the Constitution had taken a little girl wearing a “States Rights” T-shirt and thrown her into a lake, drowning her.

Enraged by the death of the girl, villagers, with Boehner and McConnell, followed the Constitution to an abandoned mill, setting it on fire.

As the mill burned to the ground McConnell and Boehner looked in in sadness.

“If only we could have saved it.  Pelosi was mad and tampered with perfection” said McConnell.

“What do we do now?” asked Boehner.

“What can we do but rebuild.  The Constitution is bigger than any of us and as long as it is written in our hearts will survive.”



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