Browsing the blog archives for February, 2010
Scientists sequencing DNA from a man in Greenland who died 4000 years ago have found many surprises. The biggest surprise? Man four millennium ago was worried about hair loss. “It’s true” said a scientist. “We were really blown away by this.” A full-body reconstruction of the ancient man, dubbed “full body reconstruction of ancient man” […]
A killer whale at SeaWorld in Orlando Florida grabbed its trainer and killed her in front of horrified spectators today. Witnesses say the whale, named Tilikum, appeared agitated before it lunged at its trainer. This is the third time Tilikum has killed a human. “We’re shocked. We don’t know why this killer whale decided to […]
In a cave on the Pakistani border, devout muslims line up to volunteer. But whereas before they were volunteering to become suicide bombers, now they volunteer to use the shakeweight. “Before all I wanted to do was blow myself up. Life was only worth living if I could kill myself and the infidel too. But […]
Representative Patrick Kennedy (D-RI) today ended weeks of speculation as to his exact reasons for giving up his seat in Congress and held a press conference on the steps of the Capitol Building. “My father instilled in me a deep respect for public service, waitresses from Hooters and airbags. It’s pretty simple in this respect. […]
As Night Train played in the background and scantily-clad women danced around a pole, New York Governor David Paterson smoked a cigar and talked with the Manhattan Infidel. “All this talk of a sex scandal in my administration is wetting my appetite so to speak” he said as he shoved a sizable tip down a […]
It’s been exactly one year since I wrote my first post for Manhattan Infidel. I remember sitting in front of my computer thinking “What should I write about?”, “I hope my blog is interesting”, “Pants are such an encumbrance to my personal freedom”, “Sex toys? Why not?” and “Does a blog violate my parole?” But […]
Tiger Woods today met the press for the first time since the scandal broke involving his mistresses. But before he spoke to everyone I was privileged to have a private sit down with the embattled golfer. MI: Tiger, I appreciate you talking with me. TW: Thank you. My people have been telling me for weeks […]
The 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver, Canada have, for the most part, gone on without a hitch. However, a new and troubling element is invading the Olympics. Organizers have found themselves struggling to deal with a rash of Curling-related violence attributable to roving gangs of “Curling Hooligans.” A family from Texas tells of the verbal […]
The Taliban’s second in command, Mullah Abdul Ghani Baradar has been captured. Baradar, Mullar Omar’s military leader was seized in the tribal region of Pakistan while sitting in a McDonalds eating a bacon cheeseburger. Baradar’s capture is the biggest prize of the war so far. “Our intelligence was looking for ways to capture him and […]
One of the benefits of blogging is it puts you in touch with people all over the globe (and not just the people who viewed my webcam for $4.95 a minute.) While looking over the statistics for my site I noticed that on an average day, anywhere from 25% to 40% of my traffic comes […]