Suicide Bomber Driving Toyota Prius Damages Environment

An innocent Prius damages the environment against its willA Toyota Prius packed with explosives driven by an apparent suicide bomber exploded in a crowded market today, killing 32 and more importantly doing extensive damage to a nearby tree.  The explosion occurred during the early afternoon as office workers enjoyed their lunches.  Witnesses say that a lovely, environmentally friendly Toyota Prius was driven into the square around 12:30.  Moments later the car exploded.

“Nobody expected anything like this from a Prius.  It’s such a compact car with great gas mileage and a low carbon footprint.  Surely anyone who drives a car like that cherishes Mother Earth” said a survivor.

The Prius disintegrated in the explosion, sending shards of metal and glass into the crowd.  Dead and dying littered what was seconds before a peaceful lunchtime crowd.  Moans of “help me”, “call a doctor” and “I can understand an SUV doing this but never a Prius” rent the air.

The NYPD Bomb Squad and Environmental Damage Division was the first on the scene.  Hardened detectives were moved to tears by the sight of the formerly pristine tree.

“We are used to seeing mangled bodies and those on the verge of death crying out for help.  We’re professionals and we’re hardened to our job.  But what kind of monster destroys a tree?  I bet the driver was some sort of Christian fundamentalist” said a detective.

Crime scene investigators scoured the area looking for pieces of the tree.

“We were hoping we could gather up the pieces and put the tree back together.  Unfortunately parts of the tree were embedded into some of the victims.  The nerve of some people.”

The tree was unable to be saved.

Mayor Bloomberg has declared a day of morning and asked all New Yorkers to remember the tree on their Facebook page.

“This is a sad day for all of us.  When people die they can be replaced.  But when a tree dies that cannot be replaced.”

Mayor Bloomberg also asked New Yorkers not to jump to conclusions or retaliate against the Prius community.

“This was an isolated incident.  We must not blame the entire Prius community for the actions of one car.”



3 Responses

  1. innominatus says:

    The acid! The acid! The acid from the huge, environmentally devastating hybrid batteries is burning my hair follicles!

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