Napolitano Resigns at Homeland Security; Worf Will Take Over

Klingon warrior WorfUnder increasing criticism for her department’s utter failure to stop the underwear bomber, Janet Napolitano has announced her resignation as Secretary of Homeland Security.  She will be replaced by the Klingon Worf, most recently Security Chief of the Starship Enterprise and Deep Space 9.

“I have taken this position because you dishonorable humans are afraid to die” said Worf at the press conference announcing his appointment.  “Back on the Klingon Homeworld every day is a good day to die.  Well, except during the Bat’leth tournament.  I have money placed on that and would like to know who the winner is.”

President Obama, announcing the appointment, talked about Worf’s successful career in security enforcement.

“During his stint on the Enterprise and Deep Space 9 they had no suicide bombers, shoe or underwear or other means.  Lt. Worf has shown a deep commitment to the security of those around him.  I feel he is the best choice for Homeland Security.”

When asked what his first priority will be Worf said “Making sure Denubian Slime Devils die a dishonorable death.”

There was a tense moment at the press conference when Worf was told that Denubian Slime Devils are a protected species on Earth.  Worf pulled out his Bat’leth and threatened to cut the reporter in two, saying “Hab SoSlI’ Quch!”  which roughly translates as “Your mother has a smooth forehead.”

The conference ended when Worf  announced that he had to leave because it was “time to mate.” He then asked Fox reporter Megyn Kelly if she was into “combative foreplay” and sniffed her right arm.

The nomination of Worf does face significant hurdles in Congress.  Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell responded to President Obama’s appointment by saying that this was “typical of this President.  We are at war and he appoints as head of Homeland Security a person who is not even a U.S. citizen.”

Worf does have support in Congress, however.  Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi said that she couldn’t be more pleased with the nomination.

“He often comes to San Francisco and I consider him a friend.  The last time he was here he broke several bones on my assistant during rough role play.  He fits right in and understands us.  I like him.”

Debate on his nomination is set to begin on January  19th.



2 Responses

  1. KingShamus says:

    Worf was never great against the Borg, so that’ll hold up his confirmation too.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Well I’m sure once Captain Picard apologizes to the Borg for past human actions they will start to like us.

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