Murder in Bedrock (Part VII): A Stunning Verdict

Fred Flinstone at workThe trial of the century involving Bedrock citizen Fred Flintstone reached a stunning conclusion today.  After less than four hours of deliberation the jury found Flintstone not guilty of the murders of Barney and Betty Rubble and the attempted murder of ex-wife Wilma Flintstone.

The six-month trial, which polarized Bedrock along racial lines ended as the jury found there was reasonable doubt that Flintstone had pulled the trigger on the fateful night in question.

In anticipation of a guilty verdict the Mayor of Bedrock had called out extra police to guard neanderthal neighborhoods in case of rioting.  But after news of the not guilty decision the tense neanderthal slums, which seemed ready to erupt just moments earlier gave way to scenes of celebration.

“We finally won one.   The cro-magnon man tried to throw Fred in jail but that is one neanderthal brother that they won’t be able to get” said one happy resident.

When asked about the evidence, and the fact that on the night of the murder Flintstone was found with the still smoking murder weapon in his hand he replied, “It was a cro-magnon trick.   Cracker ass cros are always doing this to us.”

Despite the fact that Flintstone was caught on security cameras yelling “I’m going to kill you Rubble” before entering the Rubble residence, jurors who spoke to the press afterwords were adamant that there was never any doubt that Flintstone was not guilty.

“We never saw what went on in the house.  Barney, Betty or Wilma could have fired the fatal shots” said one juror.

When asked why Wilma Flintstone, who was paralyzed in the shooting would inflict a wound on herself another juror said “I don’t know.  The cros are always pulling shit like that.  She deserved it anyway, taking Fred away from his kind like she did.”

When the verdict was announced a jubilant Flintstone pumped his fist in the air and shouted “Yabba dabba doo!”   When asked about his immediate plans, he said that he hopes to get his job back at the Slate Rock and Gravel Company.  He also intends to sue the City of Bedrock for false imprisonment.

“I’m also going to write a book about my experience as a neanderthal in the cro-magnon’s justice system.   I’m going to dedicate the rest of my life to finding the real killers and helping my people.  I’m going to become an activist in my community.”

In a related development,  the Mayor of Bedrock announced that he plans to ask the city council for money to develop neanderthal neighborhoods.

“We are going to build them affordable housing” he said.


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