Browsing the blog archives for March, 2009

Yankee Fans Look Forward to Another Season of Crushed Expectations

With 6 days to go until opening day Yankee fans are eagerly looking forward to another season filled with excitement, drama, and most  importantly, no championship. “I believe in tradition.  It’s what the Yankees are all about. And our newest tradition is meekly being swept in the playoffs.  I look forward to a painful first round loss.  […]


Frankenberry Found Dead

Frankenberry, popular during the ’80s and ’90s but recently fallen upon hard times, was found dead in an alley in Los Angeles this morning. Many will remember Frankenberry during his heyday when he was the most popular breakfast cereal around.  He would often be paired with archrival Count Chocula and the two would tour the […]

Santa Grilled on Capitol Hill

Surrounded by cameras, Santa Claus answered questions from a select committee regarding bonuses his company (SantaCorp) has received. After SantaCorp had received $750 million in stimulus money from the Federal Government, Santa had stoked popular anger by handing out bonuses to employees, including a 4 million dollar bonus to favorite reindeer Rudolph.  The anger directed towards […]

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American Accidentally Watches Soccer; Falls into Coma

A man identified as 32-year old Charles Smith lies in a coma at County General Hospital after viewing a soccer game at a local watering hole. Sources say he walked past a bar and, upon hearing the boisterous crowd inside, entered and asked if the “football” game was on.  When told that the “football match” was indeed […]

Robin Hood Announces Partnership with Nike

Robin Hood, famous as the outlaw of Sherwood Forest who robbed from the rich and gave to the poor announced today he is joining forces with Nike. Standing next to Nike Chairman Philip Knight, Robin Hood announced an exclusive sponsorship deal that will extend into the 2020s.  With his arm draped around Robin Hood, Knight […]

Thousands Rally to Free the Oxygen Radicals

Today in City Hall Park thousands rallied to free the so-called “Oxygen Radicals”. “We will not rest as long as our government has the oxygen radicals in jail.  This is a travesty!” said Ronald Marxman of Brooklyn who was elected spokesman for the protestors based on the fact that he had the largest paper mache […]

Extreme Metal Drummer’s Dark Secret: He Likes the Carpenters

After their recent show in Tampa Florida members of a successful “Extreme Metal” band packed up their gear.  But behind the scenes was tension. This band has a dark secret:  Its drummer is a fan of the Carpenters. “As far back as I can remember I’ve always like their sound” declared Danny R.  “Whenever I need to feel […]

Yankees Sign Walter “Big Train” Johnson to 5-Year Deal

The New York Yankees announced today that they have signed Hall of Fame pitcher Walter Johnson to a 5-year deal worth $250,000 dollars.  While that may seem like a low number, particularly today, Yankee GM Brian Cashman said, “I was originally going to give him 10 million a year.  But this is a man who […]


Puff the Magic Dragon Arrested

Puff the Magic Dragon was arrested today by authorities after a 3-month investigation into his relationship  with Jackie Paper.  The investigation started at the request of Paper’s father, who was concerned that his son was neglecting his homework to “frolic in the autumn mist”. “After a thorough investigation we have charged Mr. Dragon with 5 counts of […]

Heroic Bartender Fends off Female Advances

Tom S.  had just begun his 11 AM to 7 PM shift when the first sign of trouble appeared.  “In walked this young woman in her 20s.  I remember thinking why would an attractive woman like this be alone and wearing such suggestive clothing.  I didn’t pay too much attention to her at first as the […]