Browsing the blog archives for April, 2009
Kris Kringle, CEO of SantaCorp today revealed a new pared down, streamlined business model for his struggling company that he hopes will enable him to compete well into the 21st Century. Gone are many recognizable features of SantaCorp including reindeer, the famous sleigh, Santa’s red suit and personal delivery of presents on Christmas Eve to […]
As their client sits in jail, Fred Flintstone’s defense lawyers held a late night strategy session. How were they to defend him? After all witnesses saw him holding the murder weapon as he broke down the Rubble front door. Witnesses heard the shots and saw Betty Rubble run out of the house and collapse in […]
Congress today authorized the selling of The State of Maryland to a private hobbyist for $13 million dollars. “Frankly, we need the money” declared House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. “I was rather surprised we didn’t get more but I guess with the economy the way it is prices are depressed. We originally asked for 2 billion […]
In an effort to make itself more user-friendly, the Department of Homeland Security has for the first time since its inception announced changes to the Terror-Alert Chart. Gone are the old color coordinated “low” to “severe” levels. In their place are newer, friendlier levels that according to Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano will “Keep America […]
Today the tiny seaside community of Paseo Del Mar in Los Angeles was horrified to learn that a bear, 2 wolves, a chipmunk and Richard Simmons in a brazen act of home invasion broke into a residence, ate the vegetarian occupants and then raided the stylish tourquise refrigerator drinking all the beer and wine as well as […]
Manhattan’s infamous flasher was finally caught today. For the past few weeks citizens have been terrorized by an ugly man in dark glasses and bandages who flashed himself at local fast food restaurants. “I was ordering a cheeseburger when a man approached me” said the first victim. “He was wearing a trenchcoat and his head […]
With Congress’ mandated switch to digital television weeks away attention has shifted to those most vulnerable to losing their television signal – the millions of cats and dogs who, lacking opposable thumbs, will not be able to set up converter boxes. “S”, a short haired calico voices complaints that are typical of many cats. “I […]
Bugs Bunny, popular Warner Brothers cartoon character of the ’40s and ’50s has died. He was 92. Born Yankel Mordecai Bunnystein in Manhattan’s lower east side to Hungarian immigrants, Bugs got his start in the 2nd Avenue Yiddish Theatre. After building a local following with his wisecracking persona and trademark line of “Oy ve, what’s […]
It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. It had Jorge Posada. It had Carl Pavano. And, as all civilized people (aka Yankee fans) know, Carl Pavano is the face of evil. Today your humble correspondent attended my first Yankee game at The House that the Taxpayers of New York Payed […]
Barney Rubble was murdered last night in his home in Bedrock. Police immediately arrested former neighbor Fred Flintstone. Witnesses heard shots and screams shortly after 1 AM. Rubble’s wife Betty ran outside screaming “Fred’s shooting us” before collapsing in the driveway, blood gushing from her bullet wounds. Police arrived within minutes and cordoned off the […]