Murder in Bedrock (Part II): Flintstone Defense Team Plots Strategy

Fred Flinstone at workAs their client sits in jail, Fred Flintstone’s defense lawyers held a late night strategy session.  How were they to defend him?  After all witnesses saw him holding the murder weapon as he broke down the Rubble front door.  Witnesses heard the shots and saw Betty Rubble run out of the house and collapse in the driveway.  Police arrested Flintstone at the scene with the murder weapon still in his hands. After heated debate the consensus was to claim temporary insanity.

A team of psychiatrists handpicked by the lawyers were dispatched to see Flintstone.  The results were not promising.  After subjecting Flintstone to a battery of tests that included word association, memory analysis, inkblot tests and a game of Operation, they came to the conclusion that Flintstone was sane.  Obsessed, but sane.

“During the word assocation every word we came up with he responded with ‘Kill that bastard Rubble.’  If we said dog instead of cat he would respond ‘kill Rubble.’  If we said white instead of black he would respond ‘kill Rubble.’ declares psychiatrist Joseph Story.

The group then moved on to memory analysis.  “We put the defendent under hypnosis and asked him some questions. We wanted to know if he remembered the crime and what he was thinkingIt turns out that not only did he remember the crime but that he had planned it out in advance.”

The inkblot tests resulted in the same results.  “Every inkblot we showed him Flintstone would respond ‘Looks like Rubble after I blew his f—ing head off.’ “

The psychiatrists then played a game of Operation with the defendent.  “We weren’t trying to gain any insight into Flintstone’s mental state with that one” admitted Story. “We were just bored and always liked that game.”

After the psychiatrists reported their findings defense lawyers reexamined Flintstone’s computer.  “We found things we missed the first time, such as bookmarks like ‘How do I murder my neighbor’, “So you’re planning a murder’, ‘The complete idiot’s guide to premeditated murder’, ‘Murdering your neighbor in 5 easy steps’ and perhaps most disturbing, something called ‘Manhattan Infidel’ “ says one of his defense attorneys.

After taking in the report of the psychiatrists, the lawyers reluctantly decided that the temporary insanity defense would not hold.  It seems that many more late night strategy sessions were going to have to be held before the trial begins.  But at least one good thing has resulted from this.  “Flintstone looks great…..really buff.  He told us he has nothing to do all day but lift weights.”

(To be continued)


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