Fending off female advances

Tom S.  had just begun his 11 AM to 7 PM shift when the first sign of trouble appeared.  “In walked this young woman in her 20s.  I remember thinking why would an attractive woman like this be alone and wearing such suggestive clothing.  I didn’t pay too much attention to her at first as the orphanage across the street was letting out for recess.  I like to make sandwiches at home and bring them in to give to the kids.”

“After I finished handing out the sandwiches I noticed her again.  She was unbuttoning her blouse.  As we were in a public space I was perturbed to say the least.  She exposed her firm young breasts and asked me if I wanted to touch them.  Well, you can say I gave her a stern tongue-lashing.  She buttoned back up and left disappointed.”

What happened to Tom S. reflects a growing problem in the industry: How to protect innocent bartenders from advances by ravenous women.  According to statistics released by Bartending Magazine, 96% of those surveyed reported unwelcome sexual advances by women in their 20s. The fear of sexual harassment at work is the top job complaint with savage beatings by English customers second and fear of Gerard Depardieu a distant third.

“Later two strippers came in for a drink.  After a few they tried to dance on the bar.  When I told them they couldn’t they asked me if I wanted a private show.  They kept rubbing up against me and grabbing my private area.  I was horrified as I knew that any minute Father Connelly would be arriving to pray the rosary with me.  I finally told them in no uncertain terms that this conduct would not be tolerated. They left but not before giving me their number, which I immediately threw out.”

When asked to comment, Tom’s boss  Kevin F. replied, “Yeah.  Unfortunately this thing happens all the time.  Which is why I stopped bartending and just hang out in the office crunching the numbers.  I did not go into this business for sordid encounters with young women.  I just want to provide a service to the hard working people of America.”

At the end of Tom’s shift as he was preparing to leave the Swedish Women’s Volleyball team arrived in their uniforms.

“They told me I was cute and asked me if I wanted to see the inside of their bus.  I was worried because I didn’t want to be late to my mentoring meeting after my shift – I volunteer as a big brother to inner city children. I was desperate to do something to distract them. So I grabbed my acoustic guitar and started singing “Cats in the Cradle.’   They became very quiet and fortunately for me the night shift showed up on time as they always do and I was able to leave.”

As Tom left for the night he reflected on another shift and its dangers.

“I’m just trying to make enough money to send kids with cancer to Disney World.  I don’t need this!”

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