Browsing the blog archives for February, 2009

New evidence suggests Lincoln was on steroids

Recent evidence brought to light suggests that Abraham Lincoln was addicted to steroids and other performance enhancing drugs. “Think about it” says Professor of history Robert Klein, author of the new book, “Behind the Shadows:  Lincoln and the Steroid Cheats of the Civil War”.  “This was a one-term congressman from some backwater district in rural […]

Derek Jeter ascends into Heaven

During today’s spring training game fans witnessed the  sight of beloved Yankee shortstop Derek Jeter ascending into the clouds. Dubbed “The Miracle at Tampa Bay,” the amazing event happened during the 3rd inning on a routine ground ball to second baseman Robinson Cano.  “I fielded the ball, turned and threw to shortstop.  Only he (Jeter) […]

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Oscar telecast leads to dramatic increase in global warming

Since Sunday’s Oscar ceremony sea levels have risen an astounding 25%  according to the government agency, “Scientists with Expensive Grants.” “We’ve never seen anything like this.” declares Hugo Nielson, head of the institute.  “Already Iceland, Greenland and Fenway Park are under water.  If this keeps up soon everything except the top of  Patrick Stewart’s head […]

Mayor Bloomberg declares “War on Life”

In a stunning move today New York City Mayor and Lord Protector of the Zebulon Province in the Adromeda Galaxy Michael Bloomberg announced that the focus on his third term will be eliminating “all human life within city limits.” Wearing the traditional gold robes and head dress of the Lord Protector, Bloomberg, surrounded by council […]

Obama named “Sexiest President since Martin Van Buren”!

The Academy of Useless Lists this morning published their ranking of America’s sexiest Presidents.  No. 2 in the ranking will be no surprise being the current occupant of the White House.  But No. 1 definately is.  That’s right.  Our sexiest President ever was none other than Martin Van Buren. According to a spokesman from the […]


It’s official: 7 out of 10 Americans surveyed would also like to beat up Rihanna

In a shocking twist after the recent beating of Rihanna by Chris Brown, an opinion poll  disclosed that 7 out of 10 Americans would also like to beat her up. “I can’t explain it” declared one pollster.  “We talked to what appeared to be  normal, respectable,  gainfully employed men. Yet they all became irrational at […]

Frequently asked questions

Since starting my blog I have been asked many questions by people and I will try to answer them all now. 1.  S.J. of Manhattan, New York, writes “Is it easy to start a blog and why is my cat coming at me with a knife?” Excellent question S.J.  The answer is yes it is […]

Because sometimes reality isn’t enough

After listening to my friends for years tell me that I am “behind the times” I finally decided to open my own blog. Ah, but what should my blog be about?  Write about something you are passionate about I am told. Good idea in theory but the reality is that right now I am passionate […]