After listening to my friends for years tell me that I am “behind the times” I finally decided to open my own blog.

Ah, but what should my blog be about?  Write about something you are passionate about I am told.

Good idea in theory but the reality is that right now I am passionate about Gretchen Moll and my team of crack lawyers inform me that a blog about stalking her would get me in more trouble than the time I tried to hang a banner at Yankee Stadium that said “Disgruntled and armed.”

Not that I needed my lawyer’s admonitions.  Yesterday Miss Moll’s security detail broke into my apartment and repeatedly hit me over the head with tuna.  As I was lying on the floor with the pain of tuna marks on my head one of the culprits leaned over me and said, “Now you are going to behave yourself right?  Because next time we are coming back with salmon.”

Perhaps I could write a blog about my cat.  That idea was nixed by my cat who threatened to retaliate by writing a blog about me.  I thought that threat was enough.  Using one of her retractable claws to carve a giant “L” on my forehead I considered to be overkill.

A blog about the contents of my refrigerator?  Somehow a blog about half empty ketchup bottles and skulls of ex lovers did not sound like it would attract many readers.  Besides, I moved the skulls to one of those EZ storage facilities (space, after all, is a premium.)

I guess then the contents of my blog will be changing and mainly about episodes in my life such as paying my rent on time or the  downward spiral that is my career. Or even perhaps that odd portal to another dimension in my  living room that destroys matter.

Anyway, it promises to be an interesting ride and I hope you come along.  Because, after all, sometimes reality just isn’t enough.

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